The Bathtub

YouTub: I'm so exxxciiittteeeddd

OK, with that out of the way, watch this guy make instant coffee with a giant god damned laser:

Anyway, what kind of giant vagina heats his shit with a laser and then uses it to make tea? Lame.

Theme for the Week of 12/9: Stimulants

This certainly isn't the first time I've taken my theme choice as an opportunity to pay tribute to the substances that get us by. As I sit at my desk at work with a full-fledged coffeemaker
meant to serve only me, I'm tempted to take a step back and reconsider my daily coffee consumption. But screw that, let's just write tub posts about them!

YouTub: Happy Rosh Hashanah

This was a difficult theme because there are too many bands with songs containing the word "holiday," and I'm not some damned jukebox. I did, however, find the work of genius below. I don't know what the hell it is but I've always said that if there is anything that could make Jewish holiday rituals more accessible to the mainstream, it's amateur hip hop. Also, sexy anthropomorphic apple slices.

YouTub: Creepy Toy Commercial ITP (IN THIS POST)

In the bleak times before I had a DVR, I actually had to watch commercials (a time of my life that is thankfully fading from memory), and I got the sense that children's toys today kind of suck. It turns out this is just because I have a crappy memory. Toy commercials from the seventies and eighties had some pretty terrible production values and advertised some pretty lame looking toys. For example:

YouTub: A Haiku

I hate work a lot
It's very busy and I got slammed
last night, no post now

YouTub: Kalamazoooooo

. . . don't you know that I can't find a video of youuuuuu

Yes, Kalamazoo, as KELLYq hinted at, is probably my favorite Ben Folds song. He doesn't seem to ever play it live, so there are no videos of it, and judging by some YouTube searches, the only interesting thing going on in Kalamazoo, MI is amateur hockey. So here is an acapella version of Ben's interpretation of a classic Dr. Dre masterpiece (language alert/headphones time):

YouTub: Tyra Banks is endorsed for a leadership position in this post

I always knew that, one day, this blog would present an opportunity for me to post a clip from Tyra. Unfortunately it's on when I'm supposed to be at a job pretending to do stuff, so I never get to see it, but I was introduced to Tyra herself thanks to a certain Tubtributor enjoying the godawful shitheap that is America's Next Top Model. I'm convinced she's the most obnoxious person alive, and possibly the dumbest person who manages to still somehow seem pretentious, but these are theories for another post. The point for this post is that she thought it would be a good idea to put a crazy racist family on her show and feed their kids some painfully obvious scripted lines to hammer home the horror of it all.

YouTub: Sorry Tubizens

No post today.

Too Much Information: Childmetrics

If you've ever read YouTub (it's the one you have to scroll past to get to E-bathing) you'll understand the high demands involved in asking me to write a post with significant written content. I needed a theme from the past rotation that I had a lot to say about, which narrows it down to New Jersey and children (alcohol as well, but the things I have to say about it mostly consist of disconnected syllables). I think I've made my feelings about New Jersey pretty clear, especially after I learned that it was so boring and uninteresting that I couldn't even find a good YouTube video about it, so let's take a look at children, and how much I dislike them.

YouTub: Now You're Playing with Dynamite

Dedicated Youtubbers will recall that posting antiquated public service announcements is kind of my thing, particularly when they deal with topics that invoke a lot of silly moralizing hysterics. Fortunately, my theme of this week, chosen in a post-division-championship daze, is one such topic, so here are a few I found: