The Bathtub

Nerdish Leanings: The Soul of Wit

I'm just too choked up to even begin writing a farewell post. So, I've asked everybody's favorite automaton, Clanky the Robot, to do it for me.

Nerdish Leanings: Book THIS, biddy!

As a child of the 80's, Book It! was the cornerstone of my education. It was such an unbelievably sweet deal.  First of all, you read Encyclopedia Brown, then you get a sweet purple pin, then you get stickers, then you get a PERSONAL PAN PIZZA! Then you burn the roof of your mouth on the blazing hot cheese product, then you cry so loudly that your parents have to take you out of the restaurant and you never get to finish your pizza. Then you understand how unfair the world is, and then you grow into a bitter, soulless husk of an adult.

At least, that was my experience. Apparently, I'm not the only person that harbors hard feelings towards Book It! Some pundits claim that it's bad because it rewards booksmarts with junk food. This is just part of Book It!'s terrible blight on society. Read on for my reasons to be pissed off at Book It!

Nerdish Leanings: Getting Stimulated Just Thinking About It

Every subculture has its stimulant of choice. The rich enjoy cappuccinos. The poor enjoy methamphetamines. The British enjoy tea. Nerds, however, are a little more complicated. For us, stimulants aren't just things that you smoke or drink or inject directly into your penis. They're more complicated than that. Read on for a list of things that really get my motor running.

Nerdish Leanings: Now That's What I Call Sports!

I must confess that my early education was a bit scant in the sports department. That is to say that I learned how to play softball when I was twenty-five. From KELLYq. It was the sort of situation for which "most improved" awards were created. The reason for this gap in my education is that I'm a second-generation nerd (and my grandparents are none-too-cool, either). My mom's sport of choice was highland dancing, and my dad's sport of choice was chemistry. You see, most sports emphasize physical strength, endurance, and agility. This makes the average nerd feel self-conscious.

I have some suggestions for how certain sports could be modified in order to appeal to a nerdier audience.

Nerdish Leanings: SPOILER ALERT!

If there's one thing that nerds love doing on the internet, it's spoiling the happy surprises of others. This week, I'll be systematically sucking the fun out of all of your favorite holidays.

Nerdish Leanings: High School Nerd Survival Kit

High school nerds need a certain amount of gadgetry to get through their day. If you are in high school (or thinking about going to high school) and are a nerd, this post might have some useful information for you. If you've already graduated from high school and were/are a nerd, you probably shouldn't read this post. It will just make you realize how poorly-equipped you were. If you are in high school and are not a nerd, or you have graduated but you were not a nerd, then you shouldn't read this because it simply won't appeal to you. Sorry, I can't please everybody.

After the jump, the essential equipment that any nerd needs to survive high school.

Nerdish Leanings: Holiday Nerdogenic Toy Guide

It is either the dream or the fear of every parent to have their child turn out to be a nerd. Some imagine that their kid could one day win the Nobel Prize or the Loebner Prize. Others fear that their kid won't make the football squadron, or that their child's weener will remain unused until their first encounter with a Bangkok ladyboy on a "business trip" some time in their mid-30s. Both are valid points of view.

When the holiday season rolls around this year, use this article as a guide for what to buy (or not buy) your kid for christmas, depending on whether you want them to be a nerd or not.

Nerdish Leanings: Bastard

When Tori announced the theme for this week, I was absolutely gob-smacked. I had received my comeuppance for my previous crapulence. A few months back, you may recall a week of blog posts vaguely related to "Growth of the Soil," by Knut Hamsun. Everybody complained about it at first, but those plucky tubtributors grit their teeth, buckled down, did a little research, and wrote some kick-ass posts. That's why, this week, I've decided to swallow my pride and write about...

Nerdish Leanings: The Balticon

When I was a lad, most of my friends ended up going on some sort of family vacation or another on a somewhat regular basis. These ranged from the usual (visiting cousins in Ohio, the state where your cousins live) to the extravagant (a week in Hawaii every summer, to make your friends resent you). My family made an annual pilgrimage to Baltimore. To go to the Balticon. A science fiction convention. With young, impressionable children in tow.

I learned a host of valuable lessons from these little vacations.

Theme for the week of 10/22: Family

Ever wonder why KELLYq is so helpful, Justin is so nerdy, or Lauren is so chart-loving? Why Caitlar shines with happiness, or why Phylan is a sadistic voyeur of human misery and shame? Why Emily insists on reminding us again and again of our ignorance? Why D.C. feels compelled to study law, why the Mayor finds the detritus of a culture so fascinating, or why the Obese Omtubsman is so fat? Have you ever wondered, in a nutshell, why Tori is gay? Well, my guess is that every single one of our tubtributors owes a certain debt to their families for making them into the quirky foible-bags that they are today.

This week, we're having a "focus on the family" by theming it up family-style. Strap your family-hat on and prepare to get down and get funny, cause this week is going to be more hilarious than a gay experience with your third cousin at a family reunion (in retrospect).