The Bathtub

Critically Reclaimed:Breakfast--How Important Really Is It?

"Breakfast -- it's the most important meal of the day."  "Wheaties, the breakfast of Champions."  "If you don't eat that cereal right now you're not eating tonight and you'll have to rely on so cial services and the public school system to feed you again."

I've been assailed by breakfast marketing for my entire life.  Never once had I questioned its value as a metabolic jump start or even its title as the most important meal of the day until very recently.  Unfortunately now, I'm forced to reconcile my long ingrained beliefs about breakfast with the incredibly convincing food studies recently provided by Taco Bell: Fourth Meal.  More on this nutritional breakthrough after the jump.   

Critically Reclaimed: Wikifooled

The introduction of the internet to mankind's quiver of shenanigan options has led to an unprecedented proliferation of urban legends.  As it turns out, rather than becoming the instant fact-check that this vast information warehouse had the potential and initial intent to be, it is much more useful as a method of instant exchange of boast or falsehood.  I'll get to the heart of the matter after the jump.

Critically Reclaimed: The Beautiful Hope of Cryonics

As everyone knows, Walt Disney was frozen in suspended animation and buried under Disneyland in 1966.  His death and other burial information were falsified in order to allow this innovative animator a chance to reclaim past glory once modern science was finally able to cure, ya know, dying.  Unfortunately for the rest of us poor souls, the option of freezing ones near the end of life remains illegal, leading to a situation in which one can be frozen, but only once all hope is lost.  Stick around after the jump for more on this short-sighted legal precedent, as well as the amazing science of cryonics.

Critically Reclaimed:Jonathan is Back!

Hey there.  I'm sorry for my recent absence -- Asia-related personal issues arose (I forgot I had to post).  Anyway, I'm back and ready to rail on things I don't agree with or understand.  So, Asia.  Everything I know about this vast and mysterious land comes from  Pride Fighting Championships, Tsing Tao beer, and the movie Lost in Translation.  To be fair, I've also eaten General Tso's chicken, but my more culturally sensitive friends tell me this isn't actually Asian.  More thinly veiled ignorance after the jump!

Critically Reclaimed: Who Believes In Monsters?

As this is my maiden voyage in the bathtub, I would like to start off on a very safe note, saving my more controversial reviews for a time when I have already gained your trust.  Working within the topic of monsters, I can think of no easier target than people who believe in them.  To be clear, I'm not using monster in its recently expanded form (i.e. dictators, abusive fathers, Amare Stoudemire dunks), but rather its original intended use (i.e. zombies, werewolves, and Alf.)  This column will address several demographics of people who actually believe in these terrifying but fantastical creatures. More on these saps after the jump!