The Bathtub: Too Much Information: Confessions of a Youth Basketball Referee

It's basketball season again, which means I will be spending my Saturday mornings calling the shots at girls' basketball games. For the most part I love doing this, because kids, basketball, and rules are three of my favorite things on earth. However, I do have a few gripes--and yes, I do pick favorites. I try to keep things even, but there are a few things coaches and parents do that are guaranteed to make me root against their little kiddies. After the jump, a list of helpful tips you may want to follow if you ever find yourself coaching youth sports, or just parenting someone who plays them.

Don't be obnoxious.
Obnoxious coaches and fans are the worst. Yeah, I miss calls sometimes. Sometimes I ignore them on purpose, too, like when a girl who's been afraid to touch the ball all season finally goes for it and double dribbles a tiny bit on the way. Coming at me like Bobby Knight for missing that isn't going to change my mind, but it is probably going to reinforce that eight-year old's fear of the ball for the rest of her life. Nice going.

Leave the jewelry at home. And the bows. And the pajama pants. And the light-up sneakers. And the glitter.
I know these are young girls and it is very tempting to match your team's T-shirt with hairbows, socks, bracelets, and shorts in coordinating colors, but I guarantee you that if your team walks into my gym looking like they were outfitted by JonBenet's parents I will be against you from the start.

Don't delay the game for ridiculous reasons.
If you want to do a special little cheer to get everyone revved up, go for it. Just don't launch in to it at the end of every time out, after I have already blown my whistle three times. That gets the rest of the day's games off schedule and takes years off my life at the same time.

Don't go in for the kill.
If your team is winning by 16 (which might as well be 1,000,000 in youth ball), it's time to take it down a notch. Have your team focus on their passing game, or switch to a defense they're not as good at to give them practice and hopefully let the opponent get a few shots off. Good coaches can pull back without being obvious and humiliating the other team.

Give me a reason to T you up.
Seriously, it's all I want to do. It makes my day. Just give me a reason.

Lauren McMahon (e-mail, website) writes "Too Much Information" on Tuesdays at 2:00. Find out more here.