KELLYq & a: The One Where I Shoot Myself In the Foot

As an English Major, I was assigned many, many books. One semester, no shit, I was assigned over 30 books to read. In nine weeks. I can sum up my feelings on those assignments in two words:

YEAH RIGHT!

I so did not read all those books. But did I earn A's in all those classes? Hellz to the Yeah I did. Because I know how to fake like I read it, and I can show you too.

Approach #1: Have A Strong Opinion
Worked for me with: A Man for All Seasons; 11th Grade
What had happened was: I was TOTALLY going to read this book, but then I had to go out to dinner with my family, so I didn't have time. By a total and awesome coincidence, my dad had watched the movie the previous weekend. After he gave me a brief synopsis, he told me that he thought the main character, Thomas More, was a total dork, and was wicked annoying. I wrote my paper (12.5 pt font) and turned it in the next day. Did I get an A? Holla.

Approach #2: Take Copious Notes During Lecture
Worked for me with: Absalom, Absalom; Junior Year of College
What had happened was: This was the aforementioned semester when I was taking these three monstrous classes
American Literature: 1865 to Present: 15 books
American Literature: 1800 to 1865: 10 books -- also DICKWEED professor
Adolescent Literature: I think 10 books (but most of them were short)
Yeah, so I definitely did not read that book, Absalom whatever. But -- I did write down EVERYTHING the professor said during the three classes that he talked about it. On the final, I had to write an essay (a whole blue booklet) about that book. Ace it? Yupz.

Approach #3: Watch the Movie
Worked for me with: Beloved, some time in college
What had happened was: I heard there was a movie and was lazy. What? Like you've never.
Unfortunately: (spoiler alert!) The FIRST scene involves watching OPRAH getting DONE from BEHIND. Yikes! For the record, I don't remember that happening in the book.

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Comments

[brickbats]

Approach #4 (recommended): Hang up the phone, get off the internet and do your damn homework.

[Dolores D'Angelo]

A Man for All Season roxorzzz

[KELLYq]

WHATEVERZ Dad you know I'm a good student most of the time

[sally jesse]

blech- Beloved! I read that book in 7th grade because my English teacher (it was early in the year, so I didn't totally hate her yet) told me that it was "an interesting book about a little ghost". inaccurate.