The Bathtub: The Obese Omtubsman: The Tub Gets High School Spirit

Oo_2 This past week, the Tub took a trip down memory lane to their high school days, except on Thursday, when it gorged itself for Thanksgiving and didn't post at all--which as a gorger myself, I approve of 110%. This got me thinking about my own high school days--I'm sad to report that this was not a happy time for the Obese Omtubsman. The teasing, the laughing, and the frequent prodding with sticks . . . actually, that was all pretty good. I enjoyed the attention. I just hated band. Stupid arpeggios.

Now, time to Take Issues with some columns:

A) KELLYq, I mean this with every fiber of my being (and my being contains a ridiculously unhealthy percentage of fiber, mind you): Your cat is a disgrace. How you could let him let himself go is beyond me. Plus, your cat told me he never remembers saying "Plz pass butter" OR "I is a fat?" so I'm questioning your journalistic ethics right now.

B) Emily's quiz was excellent as per usual, though I came away from it with a surprising subliminal to vote Republican. I can't explain it but I think it had something to do with the graphics and the repeated pulse of certain words not related to the theme of High School tests. Fortunately, due to the fact that my plump, lazy nervous system takes upwards of five minutes to send chemical messages from my brain to whichever part of my body is doing the work, I will not make it to the voting booth on time, and no damage will be done.

C) This next comment goes out to both the Mayor and to Justin Douglas, who I will now refer to by a slightly adapted form of his last name, "Dougles" (pronounced DUG-uhls, in a cuddly sort of way): Stop taking pictures of my stuff!

Yes, so I pretty much Take Issue in some way or another with each column this week that was written, so I was thinking about giving my Weekly Column Award to the announcement that the Bathtub was setting an end date. But one column stood head and shoulders above the rest (incidentally, my head is no longer entirely above my shoulders, it has sunken into my rather sizable neck so as to resemble an oversized crystal ball in quicksand). That was Lauren's excellent column about the Internet in high school, then and now. The exponential graph of McMahon Siblings by Number of Facebook Friends was clever and analytical enough to make Clanky ejaculate Robo-love all over Dougles, who enjoyed the sensation very much.

Congrats Lauren