E-Bathing:Teched-up Toys

Miss Mayor got sick last week and as a result only taught for 1.5 days. That means that she has a mess to clean up when she returns to her classroom tomorrow. Also on her plate for tomorrow: 6 hours of parent-teacher conferences. That means that she has a lot on her mind, so much so that she insists on writing in the third person despite the fact that doing so is obnoxious. After the jump, the halfest-assed ebathing you ever saw.

Ebay was designed for  cunning parents who wanted to find their children the best toys of the season  without having to wrestle someone at WalMart to get them. Below are some of the toys that are predicted to be big hits this Christmas. As a gift to you, I let you make the jokes about what I found.

FurReal Friends. These are essentially stuffed animals that are life sized/animatronic so as to imitate their real life counterparts. [Insert Rory-Porkham-esque joke about childhood bestiality here or about fake animal feces].

Lego-technic. These lego toys  are all techno-fied and  filled with gadgets. [See Justin Douglas's nerdy toy guide.]

Webkinz. These are just like beanie babies except for with a lame-ass  internet tie-in. [Insert  joke about 1997 here].

Mayor's Must-have of the week
As you may or may not have noticed, all of these toys are just a spin-off of a low-tech toy with some digital/internet crap thrown in. This toy takes that theme to the extreme: it's candy land, memory game, and chutes and ladders for game boy. Seriously? Those games are barely interesting enough to play with a partner, and certainly not interesting enough to merit solitary play on a game boy. Here is the thought process over at Nintendo: "I am too lazy to come up with a new game involving cars, fighting, Zelda and/or Mario. Just turn the first board game you can find into a game and let's call it a day." I guess toymakers aren't all that imaginative -- and here I thought the KBs and Geoffery Giraffes of the world were just like Mr. Magorium (sidenote: is that an actual movie, or was that something I thought up while high?).

The Mayor writes for the Bathtub every Tuesday morning. For more information click here.

Comments

[Lauren]

Damn, according to the ad you can actually ride a FurReal pony (as long as you are under 80 lbs). That is so sweet.

[quoi?]

so real ponies are scary, but life-sized anamatronic ponies are a go?

[Lauren]

haha, yeah. they can't bite.

[sally jesse]

I heard a whole radio story about those webkinz and I still have no idea what they do. Best guess: like a tomagachi, but you have to go online to feed it, etc. and you have a stuffed animal to look at while you do. I really hope that porkhamesque becomes part of our daily lexicon.

[EmGusk]

approximately 32 times every day when i managed the kids department of a major chain bookstore a kid would wheely up to me and spout "DOYOUHAVEANYWEBKINS???!!!" we did not. and these children are not entertained by books.

also, is there still a market for my beanie babies? because i believe i have a LOT.

[Joan268]

http://www.bootsfanstore.com/replica-ugg-774.htmlThe Mayor writes for the Bathtub every Tuesday morning.