The Bathtub: Nerdish Leanings: High School Nerd Survival Kit

High school nerds need a certain amount of gadgetry to get through their day. If you are in high school (or thinking about going to high school) and are a nerd, this post might have some useful information for you. If you've already graduated from high school and were/are a nerd, you probably shouldn't read this post. It will just make you realize how poorly-equipped you were. If you are in high school and are not a nerd, or you have graduated but you were not a nerd, then you shouldn't read this because it simply won't appeal to you. Sorry, I can't please everybody.

After the jump, the essential equipment that any nerd needs to survive high school.

Ti-83 (or higher) graphing calculator
This little jewel will be your metaphorical best friend in high school. Depending on how socially inept you are, it might be your non-metaphorical best friend as well. This bad boy does everything. It can evaluate definite integrals, play snake, and display porn (for some reason). I tried really hard to find an example of calculator porn on the internets, but none was forthcoming. Rest assured, though, it exists, and I done seen it. It was saucy. The closest thing that I could find was this crappy cartoon of two dogs getting "jiggy" with "it."

The porn that I saw in high school was not dog-related.

Pocket Protector
You know what, this really doesn't seem that indispensable to me. I put it on this list because It seemed like it was needed to keep up appearances. But honestly, how big of a deal is it really to keep your shirt pocket clean? I mean, for christ's sake, most pens are retractable, or at least have a cap. How hard is it to keep track of your pen's cap? Seriously. Or use your pants pocket.

Forget I even mentioned it.

Suspenders
Blah blah blah stereotype blah blah high-waisted pants blah blah Steve Urkel blah blah wedgie. Next.

Slide Rule
Since your calculator will be completely occupied by smut, simulated drug deals and a cheat sheet for the periodic table, you should probably pack a slide rule as well. This contraption can apparently do multiplication, trigonometry, cube roots, and much, much more.

It can also be used for self-defense in any slide-rule-related beatings you might suffer. It should be noted that there's really not much in they way of slide rule porn out there (SFW).

Fanny Pack
You've got to keep all of this stuff neatly organized! I suggest that you purchase this fanny pack, as it combines a large size, beefy zipper, reinforced seams, and bright, highly visible coloration. I see no problems with wearing this fanny pack proudly, as the site suggests.