Men in Cages: Kate

So, I actually have a really good friend named Kate.  My Kate doesn’t have all that much in common with the Kate of song – she doesn’t play the drums, she wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the same thing everyday, and I can’t say that I’ve ever seen her hand out the Bhagavad-Gita. 

All that aside, when my Kate smiles, rainbows do indeed appear – not because she’s a member of the “rainbow brigade” (as my grandfather so affectionately calls the gays), but because she’s just that radiant a lady.

Kate's been a really wonderful friend to me over the years.  She's philosophized with me.  She's laughed with me.  She's adventured with me.  And, she's taught me many things.  Most notably, Kate is the one who taught me how to be a heterosexual.

Now, before you jump to the conclusion that Kate seriously failed me as an educator, let me fill you in on more of the details surrounding Kate's "Hetero Lovin' 101" seminar.

During my senior year of college, I decided it was time to take a foray into straightville.  This decision wasn't without impetus; briefly stated, a dapper gentleman had invited me to join him for a drink and I found myself quite taken with him.  So I told the gentleman that, yes, I would be honored to imbibe with him.  And then I panicked.

I wasn't worried about the basics of going on a date with a man.  Conversing with men and drinking with men are things I did with great frequency in college.  I felt I could hanle these aspects of the outing.  What I did not feel prepared to handle (both literally and figuratively) was my date's penis.  Ever one to get ahead of myself, I greatly feared that at some point in my relationship with this man, I would be expected to interact with his member and I felt ill-equipped to do so.

I've heard from lots of women that penises scared them for a portion of their existence.  The thing is, most women eventually face their fears and become fairly competent at penis-involving activities by the time they turn 22. 

I wasn't exactly "afraid" of penises.  Really, I was just concerned that I wouldn't know what to do with one.  I mean, the dapper gentleman certainly had no reason to think that I'd be some cock expert; he was well aware of my history with the womenfolk.  (The first time we chatted, he told me that he'd dated many lesbians - though they generally became lesbians immediately after dating him, not before).  Nonetheless, I wasn't comfortable knowing I was so far behind the learning curve.  I wanted to approach my man-date with confidence.

So I asked Kate (a confident, sassy man-dater) to teach me her ways.  Never one to back down from a challenge, Kate donned her professorial robe and set to instructing me and another lesbian on the wild world of wang. 

Kate was, in fact, a stellar instructor.  She encouraged not only question asking, but also audience participation, which really made the lesson come to life.  Watching Kate fellate a beer bottle and demonstrate sex positions really granted me confidence that I might, one day, be a successful man-lover.  (Actually, that's a lie.  Watching Kate do these things just made me aroused and thirsty.  But I did appreciate her efforts.)

Thanks to Kate's guidance and support, I was able to carry on vaguely positive interactions with a real, live, penis-possessing man for several months.  Eventually, this man tired tired of me, broke up with me three times, and moved away to northern Canada, where he dines on reindeer and studies some type of rock.  I see him only occasionally and when I do, I am wont to do truly embarrassing things, like throw up on his car.  But that's not the point of this story.  The point is that women are sexually fluid.  And that Kate is a top-notch gal.  I wanna be her.

<To be continued . . . >

Comments

[GO-gurt]

Men In Cages has returned to its old, classic form! Bravo!

[Former O.O.]

It's this type of post that makes the Former O.O. happily retired. Good luck breaking this one down, fatman.

[Kate]

Tori, I think I love you. I didn't think I would love you for posting horrid pictures of me that suggest that I am somewhat loose in the goose, but somehow, I do. That is the magic of your posts. I'm willing to own that I give good lessons in both male and female pleasuring. There's nothing wrong with a little extra sexual fluidity, I say.

[Kim Leak]

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