The Omniscient Omtubsman: The One Where I Reveal Which Snack You Are

So last week I presented a fun little game that drove Tori crazy undoubtedly for all of last week. All in all, I would say that any post that accomplishes that result is a rousing success, so congratulations to me. I listed a bunch of snacks and asked you to match those snacks to each of the tubs contributors.  Without further ado (or to be more accurate, with a little more ado, which basically consists of you reading another half sentence and then clicking a link) I present to you the answers to all your snack related inquiries:

Astronaut Ice Cream -- Justin Douglas. The comment section really nailed this one on the head, and rightly so because it was quite obvious. Astronaut Ice Cream is the number one food loved by nerds and Justin Douglas is our number one nerd, so it is only natural that he would be associated with it.  Actually, I have a feeling that Justin would disagree because I recently had a conversation in which Justin proclaimed that he wasn't in fact a nerd at all. But, then I asked KELLYq about her opinion regarding this and she said that was false.

Crack Cocaine -- Rory Porkham. Clearly, Jerome takes my liberal use of the adjective "cracked-out" too personally. Have you ever read one of Rory's columns, though?

Candy Beans -- Emily.  Again, this one was pretty obvious.  Emily's column is formatted just like a thing of candy beans in that it is comprised of little bite-sized morsels of information, some of which are delicious and some of which you should not have put in your mouth, probably.

Pretzel -- Phylan.  I apologize in advance for this one, but Phylan is the pretzel because YouTub is often twisted (see last week's edition).

Sour Patch Kids -- The Mayor.  Sorry, Mayor, I knew you didn't want this to be you, but think of it this way. Sure you are bitter and ascerbic on the surface, but you're sweet underneath and remarkably addictive.

Jawbreaker -- Tori.  Again, Lauren correctly identified this one. It takes an eternity to read Tori's column, just as it does to eat a jawbreaker, and it might make you drool all over yourself, but in the end you feel a vague sense of accomplishment.

Banana -- D.C.  Frankly after seeing D.C.'s eating habits I was just trying to suggest a relatively healthy snack for him.

Jerome -- Mini Club Sandwiches.  These just reminded me of the type of finger food you would eat if you were attending a zoo reform fundraiser.

Oreo -- KELLYq. Children love Oreos, even though they aren't that good. Just kidding KELLYq, children just pretend to like them.

Creamsicle -- Caitlar.  This one goes to Caitlar because not only are they a snack frequently consumed by children but I they also have Creamsicle-flavored rum shots, so this choice was topical.

Column of the Week

After all these weeks of distributing the CoW award, I've neglected one contributor who slaves over every column and pours every ounce of his soul into it with little reward. Me, your humble Omniscience.  So, I'm giving the award to me this week because I really think I deserve it. I'm so proud of myself.

My other reason for awarding myself the award this week instead of down the line is because I am officially announcing my resignation from the blog effective immediately, and I wanted to see how sweet it felt to get the award, just once. The blog game has been good, but after a conversation with another tubtributor this past week, I feel that I should get away now before the quality of this column deteriorates, which I feel has already begun.  Fear not: plans to replace this column are already underway, and will be announced shortly.

It has been my pleasure to serve as your Omtubsman.

The Omniscient Omtubsman ran Wednesday afternoons on the Bathtub.

Comments

[Tori]

:-( This is horrendous news! I LOVE YOU, Omtubsman! Don't leave me!

(And WTF, your column was terribly formatted; it does not merit any praise.)

[Jerome]

say WHAT?!?!?!

[justin]

damn it! i crave approval so badly, and now that the omtubsman is gone, i have even less than a 1 in 11 chance per week of getting noticed.

[Buddy Love]

I will miss you, OO.

http://members.fortunecity.com/agreeve/togethercol/goodbye.gif

[The Mayor]

Boo! I would argue that a crappy post is better than none: my continued posting is predicated on the core belief that half-assed effort is preferable to no effort. p.s. Tori is going to cry unless you judge her every week.