As Tori alluded in her long-ass theme announcement, Phylan and I met
Ben Folds one time. We met him on Mother's Day of 2005, and it was
AWESOME.
***ALERT: MAJOR BEN FOLDS-RELATED GEEK-OUT IMMINENT***
It was my first time seeing Ben Folds live, and I have adored the band
ever since I was 12 and Jon Liener from my bus gave me a mix tape with
Ben on it. I borrowed them and was immediately hooked. It was one of
the best concerts I had ever been to; he played every song I wanted to
hear and did it very well. I felt like I couldn't leave the place
without meeting him, and Phylan was equally excited, so we waited and
waited and waited until he finally emerged from the place. I met him,
and was so atwitter I absolutely froze. I realized that in all my
waiting and shivering (it was cold for May) I hadn't thought of
anything I wanted to say to him at all.
If I could go back and give myself some advice, I would have...
A. Been More Like Phylan
Phylan knew what to say. He said, "Hi. Kalamazoo was amazing."
With this brief remark, Phylan was able to convey the following information
- I like your music. a lot.
- I know about your music, including this obscure-ass song you wrote when you were like in high school.
- I will not waste your time gushing like a 12 year old meeting Ashley Tisdale or Jonathon Brandis (may he rest in peace).
This was way better than what I said, which was, "I've liked you since I was very young." 
This prompted a totally awkward conversation wherein Ben Folds acted like I was trying to say he was old, and I stammered about how we're all old or something, and then I sheepishly asked to take a picture with him (the only thing I would definitely not do differently)
See? I tooks a picture.
B. Asked Him to Sign a Poster Or Something, Not My T-Shirt
After he signed my T-Shirt, I became unreasonably afraid to wear it because I didn't want the signature to fade, so it has just sat in a ziploc bag somewhere at my mom's house. The next time I met him, (I warned you about a geek-out) I got a poster signed instead.
C. Asked Him To Marry Me
This wouldn't have worked out for a number of reasons, but it would have more properly conveyed my affections.
"KELLYq & a" runs on Wednesday mornings and sometimes is less lame than this. For more information, click here.
When I heard the story the first time, I thought the quote was "I've liked you since I was very small" to which he replied "Well, now you're big!" I also find that funny because he is shooort.
Posted by: Caitlar | October 31, 2007 at 01:21 PM
still, not as awkward as the time we walked on stage to take a pic with michael ian black and the camera wouldn't work for phylan and the audience of like 368 people were sitting there, staring at us with smiles plastered on our faces.
Posted by: EmGusk | October 31, 2007 at 03:09 PM
ah-youth. oh wait- a nearly identical situation happened to me less than a week ago. kellyq- you were the phyllan- congrats.
Posted by: sally jesse | October 31, 2007 at 03:36 PM
Where's the fat Ombudsman? Someone should have called me to do another substitute column.
Posted by: Gorg-O | October 31, 2007 at 05:50 PM
If you're achin to ombuds, feel free to talk about how spectacular my post was in the comments section :-).
Posted by: Tori | October 31, 2007 at 07:09 PM
jon leiner was the other half of my first slow dance, courtesy of celine dion's "because you loved me."
no one else will find this funny. haha.
Posted by: vero | October 31, 2007 at 07:19 PM
Dear Vero,
Make some friends so that you can share your secrets with people and not the abyss that is the interweb.
Love,
Your Friend,
Tori
P.S.: My first slow dance was All-4-1's "I Swear." With Nathan Dreyfuss. S. T. U. D.
Posted by: Tori | November 01, 2007 at 02:52 AM
this isn't postsecret.com?
ps: i dont listen to ben folds, as evidenced by the fact that i DO listen to celine dion. often. a lot. alone.
Posted by: vero | November 01, 2007 at 09:14 AM