Shiny Happy Caitlar: Say What?

So I like kids. I like kids a lot (most of the time). My favorite age is from about 1 to 5. After that they get a little bratty, which peaks at about 13, and then they get angsty. And then they go to college and mature a bit and become cool again.

I like little kids because they are miniature people in the making and they learn and grow and adapt right before your eyes. And they say a lot of funny stuff. My little sister, for instance, is nearly 18 and hasn't yet grown out of her kids-say-the-darndest-things phase. She's always mistakenly mixed up words and phrases. All you can really do is look at her and say "Aw, you're pretty." Some of my favorite sisterisms include the following classics:

Sister: Why are they called the 76ers?
Me: Because in 1776 they--
Sister: Invented basketball!

Brother: Those pants make your hips look big.
Sister: God, you make me so unconscious!

Dad: Did Eric do well in his football game?
Sister: Yeah he scored on a cubic sneak.

Mom: How did you come up with that idea?
Sister: I had a revolution!

Sister: Yeah, we're going on a field trip to Gettysburg because we're studying the Silver War.

Sister: Yeah, mom and her got in a fight about the sweatshirts. The put on the wrong mamogram.
Me: Um, Meg?
Sister: Yeah, they got the mamogram wrong.
Me: You mean monogram.
Sister: Oh, right.
Me: Do you know what a mamogram is?
Sister: Yeah, a boob test.

So yeah, I love my sister and luckily she doesn't get mad at us anymore when we laugh (with her) anymore. And I thought, wow, there must be really funny stories out there on the interweb about funny things kids say.

Well, not really. There is a lot out there in two categories that aren't very funny. The first are Christian/Family Circus kind of aw-gee-shucks kind of kid humor that I don't think is funny, it just makes me roll my eyes. Example:

"While trying to keep the Christmas focus on Jesus' Birthday instead of Santa and presents, my husband and I were explaining to our three and a half year old, that we celebrate Jesus' gift of love by giving to others at Christmas. Our precious little girl went straight to her room and picked up her favorite doll, came back and said "Here mommy, give this to Jesus for Christmas, and tell him I'd like a baby that cries this year.""

Yeah. The other type are submissions  by moms who think their kid is the funniest thing to walk the earth and post every hysterical (to them) anecdote their kid spits out. Example:

"My youngest son after my wedding rings were stolen (he was three) presented me with a plastic spider ring from Halloween and told me when he grew up he was going to marry me and get me much bigger rings than daddy had given me."

Fortunately, there is some pretty good kid humor out there. These one-liners are usually in response to a specific question asked of the children. Take for instance:

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."

"Talc is found on rocks and on babies."

"The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers.  Many people died, and many babies were born.  Captain John Smith was responsible for all this."

And so on and so forth. Have a good day everyone!

 

Comments

[Jerome]

Needless to say, you had me at the title.

[D.C.]

Every single one of those sisterisms could be a quote from Jeffy for the Family Circus. Maybe not the boob one. But maybe.

[Caitlar]

That's true DC, except my sister isn't 5, she's 18 and very blonde. I think it gives it a different spin.