Shiny Happy Caitlar: Don't Be a Hater

I'm not from New Jersey. I don't have some self-deprecating humorous look-at-me-so-what-if-I'm-from-New-Jersey complex like all those people in college who were from New Jersey did. I don't like to focus on making fun of a state that's pretty much only famous for being made fun of. Because you know what? New Jersey is pretty much just like every other dumb state in the Union (excluding Pennsylvania and Virginia, of course, because I live in those states and they are commonwealths anyway). And because I like to focus on the positives, I'm going to talk about some of the best things from and about New Jersey.

1. The Boss

Dude, I freakin love Bruce Springsteen. I was ecstatic that tubtributors mentioned him earlier this week because he is awesome. I saw him in concert in Philadelphia about 4 years ago at the Linc and I will tell you, he is the sexiest 60 year old I have ever seen. And he was wearing tight jeans and a leather vest, so you know I mean business. He has so much energy when he performs. And yeah his lyrics can be corny; my favorite line of his is from "Thunder Road" where when trying to convince this girl to run away with him, he tells her "You ain't a beauty/ but hey, you're alright." Very classy. But that's okay, The Boss doesn't do class, he does rock. Like tell me who does not want to make sweet love to "Secret Garden" from the Jerry Maguire soundtrack--even with the voice overs and "You complete me"'s? And who doesn't love to fist pump on beat in political frustration to "Born in the U.S.A."? And although I am a fan of the older stuff, the song "The Rising" is pretty inspirational to me. He's just a blue-collar boy rockin it out with his awesome band, just getting drunk and having a good time, without the rockstar pretense. And he's way cooler than the other Jersey rocker, that whispy-haired fruit, Jon BonJovi.

2. The Jersey Shore

Nearly every summer of my life I have spent at least a week at the Jersey Shore. I should clarify, I'm talking about the South Jersey Shore, specifically, Sea Isle City. The shore in South Jersey is awesome. Yeah, the islands are pretty jam-packed with new monster vacation houses that are so close you could throw a stone into your neighbor's window. And mostly these vacationers are from Pennsylvania. But the beach is right there and the Atlantic is kind of cold and sometimes a little murky, but it's the beach. And it was only two hours away from my family's house in the Philadelphia suburbs. And everyone is there to just hang out, play some mini-golf, be lazy in the sand, eat ice cream, and buy useless souvenirs. The sunsets are beautiful. And if I ever got up early enough to see them like I always say I'm going to do, the sunrises I'm sure are pretty great too. There's nothing like going to the boardwalk in Ocean City or Wildwood and eating some carmel popcorn or cotton-candy or water ice (yes---it's called water ice, okay?) or other teeth-rotting concoction and walking around looking for tee-shirts with obnoxious sayings that you don't really need and just people-watching. Yeah, Atlantic City is kind of skeezy, but even that can be fun to go to for a night. Especially when you spend most of your time on the beautiful beaches of Cape May. Oh, and it also inspired this classic song: On the Way to Cape May.

3. Garden State

I love this movie. Like, love it. Like, want to marry it love it. I saw it six times in the theater. That includes once in a theater in Spain. I knew I wanted to see it before it even came out because the trailer came on before some other movie I saw in the theater and it had that Frou Frou song that is just amazing and I said, oh my god, I have to see that movie (I said it just like that too). So I did. And I loved it so much I brought back different friends to see it 5 more times. The soundtrack is fabulous. And there's something endearingly geeky and sexy about Zach Braff that I can't ignore. I feel like it really said something about me and my generation. And although I'm starting to sound like Zach Braff in his parody of himself and the movie on SNL, can I just say that I got chills during that scene in the pool where he says something like "You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore…all of the sudden even though you have some place to put your shit, that idea of home is gone…or maybe its like this rite of passage…you will never have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. Maybe that’s all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place." That was like, so heavy.

Okay, I couldn't think of much more to add to this list, at least not stuff I felt like explaining in depth. But that doesn't mean there isn't more to love about New Jersey. In fact, here are some things about New Jersey that make it more lovable (courtesy of wiki):

• New Jersey has the lowest rate of depression in the United States
• New Jersey has the largest grove of cherry blossom trees in the United States, eclipsing the more famous one in Washington D.C.
• New Jersey is the birthplace of many modern inventions such as: FM radio, the motion picture camera, the lithium battery, the light bulb, transistors, and the electric train. Other New Jersey creations include: the drive-in movie, the cultivated blueberry, cranberry sauce, the postcard, the boardwalk, the zipper, the phonograph, saltwater taffy, the dirigible, the seedless watermelon[7], the first use of a submarine in warfare, and the ice cream cone.
• The properties in the United States version of the board game Monopoly are named after the streets of Atlantic City.

So the next time you hear some dumb girl at a party try to draw attention to herself by letting people make fun of her from being from Dirty Jerz, tell her she should feel lucky that The Boss considers her state his home.

Comments

[Jerome]

You make some compelling points, but I wish this column had been called "Don't Be a Haitlar."

[KELLYq]

Justin always calls it Water Ice

[Lauren]

NOT ACCEPTABLAR

[Sea Isle City Guy]

Some otherwise great observations, particularly the fact that the Boss is from NJ. There are other positives as well: I'm particularly fond of Ocean City and Atlantis City, but otherwise NJ isn't that bad of a place to live (other than the drivers, that is)