The Bathtub: Reasonable Doubt: 99 Problems but a Pitch Ain't One

Hit me.

So, everyone expects me to write about baseball. Fine. I wrote this on Sunday after the last Nationals game at RFK. Not having a place to post it, Andrea helped out with space.

"Nationals Bid Optimistic Farewell to RFK"

Seeing as I already wrote that, and I did choose the weekly theme, today you guys get a extra special D.C. double post day! Rejoice and be glad!

Reasonable Doubt: I Want To Be Known for My Hits, not Just My Misses

I'm on the internet a lot. A LOT a lot. More than anyone else I know, probably more than anyone else you know. I get pretty bored in class, so I'm constantly surfing (wow, haven't used surfing as a verb in relation to the internet since about 1999) through different sites. The internet is 95% worthless, so if I find 5% of anything that keeps my attention off of Federal Taxation, I'm all for it. The internet is a cold, cruel place, and there are sardonic bastards like me out here to criticize everything I see. Going back over some of my favorite things, I got hits and misses for each of them.

Deadspin.com
I get most of my sports news from this site. The title says it all: Sports news without access, favor, or discretion. It's coverage of the events you actually talk about, not what a network owned by a children's company, cross promoting movies and TV shows would rather have you talk about. I comment over there as Nationalcoholic.

Hit: Barbaro. Kyle Orton. Oscar de la Hoya .
Miss: Much maligned in the comments over there, but it rings true: No one gets this.

Homestar Runner
Briefly hit upon in the comics page, I now feel like I have time/effort to talk about it. The basics of the cartoon are that there is a helpless, innocent moron named Homestar Runner. He doesn't have arms, but can lift things with something like arms that you can't see. His nemesis is Strong Bad, whose head resembles a Fabrege Egg painted to look like a Mexican wrestling mask. Strong Bad is like the cool bully around town. He answers emails, and can type with boxing gloves on. He has a sidekick named The Cheat, who is like a yellow dog, and he has a gold tooth and he talks sort of like R2D2 beeps, in that they have tone and inflection and you can get the gist of what he's saying. Strong Bad's brothers are Strong Sad (half emo, half elephant, half dodgeball) and Strong Mad--

You know what, fuck it, it can't be explained, just start clicking on random Strong Bad Emails, Teen Girl Squads, and other random toons that exist in their universe.

Hit: Children's Book. Trogdor. Teen Girl Squad.
Miss: Answering Machine.

Facebook.com
What started as a simple and clean idea has started its descent into myspaceness.

Hit: Whenever I hear a girl's name in the news, I do a search to see if she's hot.
Miss: Take a look at this screenshot...

That's 36 different applications. They include such brilliant devices as Top Friends, both Advanced Wall and Super Wall, no less than 10 sports-related applications, no less than 3 political applications, and something so confusing I think it deserves special recognition.

Awareness Ribbons. These normally are all right on top of each other as you scroll down the page, but here they all are side by side. Click for full size.

From the Awareness Ribbons application, it appears that you can add different ribbons to your page, and then select what causes those ribbons remind you of. This user has picked out 40 of the ribbons nearest and dearest to his heart, and then selected multiple causes that each ribbon should stand for. They include such terrible tragedies as sleep apnea, shaken baby syndrome, panic disorder, and acne.

My personal favorite? ADD/ADHD and human trafficking on the SAME RIBBON.

The Bathtub
Hit: Behind the scenes week.
Miss: It looks like that Porkham bastard is lingering around these parts again. Who's been feeding him?!

This post
Hit: Funny, possibly.
Miss: Getting a little long, don't you think?

Yes, I do.

D.C. writes "Reasonable Doubt" for The Bathtub on Thursday mornings. You can e-mail him at dc.bathtub@gmail.com.