YouTub: Nancy Grace Should Probably Be Drawn and Quartered But That's Not What This Post is About

Fear is really quite natural and inevitable, when you consider the selection advantage of a healthy "time to get the hell out of here" instinct. Accordingly, some of the scariest things I can possibly conceive of are very real and scattered throughout the natural world. In fact, it's a little disappointing that hundreds of thousands of years of dealing with the most terrifying creatures on the planet has produced a species that cowers at the sight of pale little girls with a lot of hair covering their face jumping out of the television.

With that in mind, I thought I would present, for your revulsion, what I have dubbed "The Scariest Goddamned Things I Have Ever F***ing Seen" (it's a working title).

The Camel Spider

It's possible that larger spiders exist in nature, but my resources have been unable to produce a conclusive answer to this (I'm too damned lazy to research it); for all its size, it can achieve a top speed of around ten miles per hour. In truth, it's the subject of many pervasive myths, and isn't even close to the most dangerous member of the Arachnids, but come on, look at this thing:

Siafu

Siafu are colony ants that have some very specialized categories and generally scare the shit out of me. The bigger ones with the massive jaws form the boundaries of paths that the colony stoms through, consuming pretty much anything in the way.

Mind Controlling Parasites

Now for the really creepy shit. This first one is a worm that infects snails, controlling their behavior so that they crawl to heights that expose them to birds on the hunt, the next host in the parasite's life cycle. At the same time, they swell and color the tentacles to make them visible and tantalizing to the birds.

Finally, a fungus called Cordyceps that infects ants, also driving them to high places in their environment, until it grows sufficiently to burst out of their head and grow a long stalk that releases spores to infect other ants. Incidentally, this clip is narrated by David Attenborough, who also provided his soothing tones for arguably the best nature documentary ever made, BBC's Planet Earth.

YouTub runs on Thursdays at noon.

Comments

[D.C.]

Phylan, I want to thank you for saving me a couple bucks because now I don't have to buy lunch. Because now I'm too grossed out and itchy to move or eat.

So yeah, thanks.

[EmGusk]

this is the first time i chose to not watch any of your videos out of fear i would be too grossed out. so i think you did a good job.

[Jerome]

The mind-controlling parasites are like the brain slugs from futurama.