One Nation Under Jerome: I Make It Rain (278 Days A Year on Average)

I've lived in the DC area my whole life, and as Lauren has already pointed out, we've got just the right combination of geography that the weather is always on the unpleasant side. There is never any reason to leave your home, so this is one of the reasons that I try to never exercise under any circumstances.

Of course, I'm exaggerating a little, because I'm sure there are worse places weather-wise to live in in the United States. So time to look on the bright side of things. I'm glad I don't live in . . .

Mt. Washington, New Hampshire. This is the windiest city in the United States, according to the Weather Research Center (all the data from this post is from the WRC). Though I guess technically it might not be a city, it is probably just a mountain. But still, it wouldn't be fun to live on a windy mountain either. Mt. Washington's average wind speed is 35.3 mph, which is more than twice the average wind speed of the next windiest place, St. Paul, Alaska. So, if you drop a piece of paper or something, if my math is correct, about 2 minutes later it will be a mile away. I guess my point is, look, this place is real windy.

Oak Ridge, Tennessee. First, I'm glad I don't live there because I cannot imagine this place having a low-redneck density. Just saying the words "Oak Ridge, Tennessee" makes me want to vote Republican. Ok, now I just Googled it to see if that's anywhere remotely true, and I'm not sure, but I did find out according to Oak Ridge's city website, "Oak Ridge was established in 1943 by the Federal Government. First known as the Manhattan Project, it was secretly developed for the purpose of making nuclear weapons which were used to end World War II." Hey how about that.

Anyway, the reason I'm glad I don't live in Oak Ridge is because it has the distinction of being the least windy city in the US. How am I supposed to fly a kite, or put up a weather vane, or move plastic bags in parking lots from place to place? Average wind is a pitiful 4.4 mph. Which probably explains Oak Ridge's motto: "Oak Ridge, The City That Doesn't Even Try." Hey, better than "Oak Ridge, We Were Almost Famous for the Manhattan Project, But Now We're Just Some Awful Sounding Town".

Stampede Pass, Washington. Stampede Pass gets 440.3 average inches of snow a year. Which reminds me of a blooper I saw once of a news broadcast, where the female anchor asks the male weatherman, who I'm guessing erroneously predicted lots of snow in his previous forecast, "So Bob, where were those 8 inches you promised me last night?" Anyway, if your reaction to Stampede Pass's annual snowfall is that it sounds awesome, you are either a 3rd grader or a snowman. Or both.

Barrow, Alaska.

Coldest average daily temperature at 4.1 degrees. If that sounds awesome, you are either a serial killer or an Eskimo. Or both.

Gainesville, Florida. 93% average humidity. Plus, 98% chance you will run into some obnoxious Gator fans. And, 100% chance that you live in Gainesville, Florida, which really should be enough right there.

Cold Bay, Alaska.  This has the distinction of having the most cloudy days per year, with an average of 305 days without the sun. Not only does this lead to crippling Vitamin E deficiences, but I'd imagine playing the "What does that cloud looks like" game gets old when the only thing you can think of is "A long, vast unending sheet of ice." Plus, it must be annoying living right next door to Old Bay, Alaska, where they are constantly having awesome crabfests.

Hilo, Hawaii.  Say WHAT?!?! You don't want to live in Hawaii? Hell no! Well at least not Hilo, which tops the charts with an average of 278 rain days a year. I think technically they let you go scuba diving on land there.

Yuma, Arizona.Average daily temperature is 87.9 degrees. According to the International Weather Statistics Bureau, Yuma Arizona is "hot as balls."

Comments

[Lauren]

Gainesville, FL definitely sounds like the worst.

[D.C.]

AHHH close tag!

[Jerome]

Say what?

Or more accurately, what?

[The Mayor of Gainsville]

I'll have you know that my town is a great place to live! It's about midway between Atlanta and Miami, making it a good place to stop for pizza and chicken wings (some of our typical fare). Why, Gainesville was declared the #1 best place to live by Money magazine in 1995. Beat that!

[The Mayor]

Never fear Jerome, I fixed it. Everything was written as bold because there were a few html errors in your code.

[Tori]

That Jerome, always stirring up international controversey. (And by international, I of course mean, inter-state-al.)

[Tori]

Sometimes, when I try to post a comment, I fail the little "Are you a person and not a robot" test. And I worry that I'm secretly becoming a robot.

[Jerome]

I smell a guest post from the Mayor of Gainesville coming on . . .

Also, that's weird, my browser didn't have everything in bold. Ah well thanks Mayor for cleaning the CLANK

[Jerome]

Damn I failed that robot test too.

[Clanky]

Clanky would like to formally re-state his opposition to the "non-robots-only" policy that typepad has against comments.

Clanky feels robo-shame that he has to deny his proud robot heritage in order to put forth his opinion on this blog.

[Jerome]

Clanky, why do you always address yourself in third-person? Is that a robot thing? Haven't you ever seen "I, Robot"?

[The Mayor of Oak Ridge]

Our city's nicknames actually are "the Atomic City, the Secret City, The Ridge and the City Behind the Fence."