The Bathtub: Shiny Happy Caitlar: Raul Gonzalez and Xavier Alonso

KIIIIIIITTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

Meet Raul and Xavi. They are my baby kitties. Okay, so this picture was taken almost a year ago when we first got them and now they are a little over a year old. Their ear-to-body ratio has improved and they have lost some of their masculinity since then, but they are still my babies and I love them. They are named after the Spanish soccer players Raul Gonzalez and Xavier Alonso, since I love Spain and the World Cup had recently ended when we adopted them. And I'm too white, unfortunately, to ever name my children such Spanish names.

As I tend to do with a lot of things, and as anyone who has seen me interact with my cats can attest, I like personify Raul and Xavi and talk to them like they are children. Our conversation goes something like this:

Me: "Hello my baby kitties. How are you? Are you hungry? Do you want some breakfast? Huh? Some food? You want some food?"

Raul and/or Xavi: "Meow mew."

Sometimes I even imagine that they have human personalities and think in different voices. I think they are kind of like Gob and Buster Bluth from Arrested Development, where Raul is Gob and Xavi is Buster. Except they have Spanish accents. Here, I'll let them tell you more themselves.

Hello. My name eth Raul. When jou say eet jou must roll your R like rrrrrrr. I weel not tolerate mediocrity. I have chothen to leeve wid the female Caitlar and the male Phylan, along weeth my brother, Thavier. I demand that they provide uth weeth food and I yell at them repeatedly unteel they give in to my demandth. But everyday, leettle do they know, I am planning my escape. I like to theet on top of the cabinetth tho I can watch them bery carefully. I almotht ethcaped once when the theelly humanth attempted to take me on a walk with a leath. I am not a dog! I am Raul! I knock over theength on the counter becauthe I feel like eet. I knock over my water bowl becauthe the water dareth to move een front of me. And I dominate the ithe cube creatureth who move sweeftly across the keetchen floor. I am Raul, I am master of the houthe, and I cuddle for no one!

Um, hi? My name is Xavi, jou know? I leeve wid my brahdder Raul and some peeople dat took us to their house, jou know? I don't like to do much, I seet in the weendow and watch de birds, jou know? Suntines my brahdder likes to go high up on de cabinets, so I follow hin suntines and hides frun da peeoples, jou know? And den when I feels like it, I cuns down from de cabinets and eats sun food. When I thinks no one is looking, I jump in empty beer boxes and plays wid my imaginary friends. Suntines I hide in de boxes and peek out when my brahdder calls me. And I like to cuddle wid da peeople when I want, jou know? I takes a nap now. Bye.