Collegehumor.com, a website that I can't recommend strongly enough for juvenile humor, recently linked to a rather hilarious lawyer bio.
Guys, meet Michael K. Brandow:
Just to make sure the effect really takes hold of you, I've decided to have a little running slideshow of the picture.Those eyes motivated me to put that link as my gmail status message one day. This is an actual conversation that he inspired. Sorry if it bleeds over into a little Bill Brasky/Chuck Norris land, but bear with me.
Me is me, Matt is a friend from college who recently tagged a cougar at a wedding. That's just how he rolls.
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Matt: good call on the status msg, jesus christ
Sent at 3:02 PM on Thursday
me: I WILL WIN YOUR CASE
look at him
haha
Matt: Michael, I had sex with your infant child him: WHATTTTTT
me: judge: Mr. Brandow, will you please calm d-
him: I WILL RAPE YOUR FACE
imagine if your boss had that expression on his face all day
just panting and snarling and spitting when he screamed at you
Matt: how's your day going sir? I just shit a pineapple
me: i'd look forward to work. i'd stop drinking coffee, and start doing push ups just in case it came to blows
Matt: i'd keep an abmaster under my desk at all times in fears he might give me a left hook while im using the fax machine 
i feel like he'd be a real sucker puncher
me: no way, he'd welcome the challenge and give his female employees the chance to take one free punch
but then he'd set them down
hard
Matt: I bet Michael Brandow cuts himself with the letter opener each morning just so he remembers what its like to feel human
me: I bet Michael Brandow cuts interns with the letter opener each morning
Matt: I bet Michael Brandow has a giant bald eagle tattooed across his back, with the caption Don't F--- with America in Bold Arial font underneath
me: I bet Michael Brandow sleeps with his shoes on and a loaded gun under his pillow
Matt: f--- that he's a crossbow kinda guy
me: only for large game tho
for men, bears, and kittens, he's bare hands
me: I bet Michael Brandow passed his bar exam by walking to the front of the room and slapping the proctor with his erect penis
me: I bet Michael Brandow writes a weekly letter to the Penthouse forum, but they all revolve around non-consensual sex acts with inanimate objects... just the names and objects are different.
Matt: lol
me: god i could do this all afternoon
Matt: michael brandow doesn't use a hammer to hammer nails. he stomps on the board with his bare feet
me: the secret ingredient in Michael Brandow's pancakes? Uncut columbian cocaine.
Matt: i was going to go with fetus
me: the secret ingredient in Michael Brandow's fetuscakes? Uncut columbians.
Matt: doctors don't test michael brandows prostate, Michael Brandow's prostate tests the doctors
me: Michael Brandow's entire fantasy baseball team is made up of Kansas City Royals. He's in second place.
Matt: lol 
michael brandow has more hair on his back than on his head bc his hair is terrified of that look
me: go back to the picture of him and have a staring contest
damn he just beat me
Matt: there is no way thats how he normally looks
me: Michael Brandow is so angry in his picture because someone told him the camera was made in korea.
Sent at 3:44 PM on Thursday
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The moral of the story? I know that I've already delved into how I spend my time at the office, but I think you really need the actual text to really appreciate just how bad an employee I really am. That was forty straight minutes of no productivity except making fun of the most terrifying man I've ever seen. Maybe I really do need Michael K. Brandow over my shoulder to motivate me. And fight me.
D.C. writes "Reasonable Doubt" for The Bathtub on Tuesday mornings. You can e-mail him at dc.bathtub@gmail.com.
He may be legally blind: http://www.abovethelaw.com/2007/05/lawyer_of_the_day_michael_k_br.php
Posted by: Inactive account | July 17, 2007 at 10:17 AM
After reading the abovethelaw.com post and scrolling through about 30 of the comments, I've decided three things:
I didn't mean to "steal" from abovethelaw.com. I just don't read them.
I don't care if he's legally blind or not, that's still a hell of a funny picture.
You know, sometimes having less commenters is a good thing.
Posted by: D.C. | July 17, 2007 at 10:43 AM
I literally started to cry while reading this post. Well done, D.C.
Posted by: Tori | July 17, 2007 at 11:04 AM
I laughed so hard I cried. And then shat a pineapple.
Posted by: DaveG | July 17, 2007 at 11:15 AM
You'll never see this, but this just made me laugh until tears leaked out. I think I peed a little. Holy shit.
Posted by: Andrea | September 11, 2007 at 09:16 PM