The Bathtub

YouTub: It Looks Like You're Trying to Write A Post

This is the second time I've tried to pick a theme that would be free of pathetic internet memes, and for the second time I've been so, so wrong. I assumed that I would have to wade through pages and pages of clips from both the American and British versions of The Office, of which there are plenty worth posting but I'd rather not turn this post into a stand-in for your TiVo. I even knew there would be a bunch of fan-made sound-tracked compilations, a phenomenon that I've covered before. I didn't anticipate pages and pages worth of "The Office: Jammed" videos.

One Nation Under Jerome: Apparently the State Hobby is Commenting on Sparsely Read Blogs

First, I'd like to thank Jerome for giving me a chance to defend the honor of the Minnesota in his post.  He noticed my anal-yet-accurate comments in various comment sections about Jim Ramstad not being a Scientologist, and about Jim Ramstad being a non-fictional person, and he offered me this space to respond  (Incidentally, "Anal Yet Accurate" was the name of my high school garage band).  His one condition, and he was quite strict on this, was that I write this post from my office, in order to make it relevant to the theme, so I am obliging him and writing from my office in downtown Duluth.   

Anyways, (or as we say in Minnesota, "Welp",) Jerome has spent many of his columns trashing a thoroughly decent man of moderate to tall stature, Congressman Jim Ramstad, and the collateral damage has come in the form of misinformation, disinformation and uninformation about our great state of Minnesota ("The Cold State").  I'm here to set Jerome's nation straight.

The Omniscient Omtubsman: Our Pets, Ourselves

What is it about pet ownership that really brings out our innate weirdness? After thinking about that in the time that it takes to type that sentence and the beginning of this one, I've come to the conclusion that properly appreciating pets requires people to walk a fine line: on the one hand, if you hate pets then you seem like a total sociopath. After all, even weird shut-ins often have pets, so this makes you one even stranger than shut-ins by at least one metric. On the other hand, if you love your pets too much, society will scorn you, too, because what's the deal anyway, you can't get along with people? In between these two extremes there are many gradations of pet-philia and pet-phobia that could be considered "normal," but nonetheless may tend to make people look askance at you. Pets week in the Tub revealed that we have more than a few tubtributors who are trending away from the mean. Following the jump, I'll catalogue the things that gave the O.O. pause this past week:

KELLYq & a: Ten Ways to Get Sent to the Office

As a teacher, I have few misbehaving students. I attribute this to many things:
a) my "no smiling before Halloween" policy
b) my students are the youngest in the school, and therefore the most obedient (because they are scared)
c) the ongoing rumor that I keep a chokey in my book closet
d) I have an unusually high tolerance for shenanigans and mouthiness, so long as it's funny
Because of these things, I rarely send students to the principal's office. However, there are at least ten things that would definitely get you sent there.

E-Bathing: Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here

Before I went on Ebay looking for funny office items, I was under the mistaken impression that many people more or less liked their jobs. At the very least I figured people weren't as depressed as the guys in Office Space. Then I went onto E-Bay and discovered that the office is generally a place where idealism dies, hope vanishes, and souls are ground down into nothing. Apparently the workplace is such a dim hole of despair that it requires decorations and toys to help people to maintain the delusion that their lives are meaningful and that their careers weren't horribly rushed mistakes made in the naivete of their youth. Yep, most people who work in offices are pretty miserable. Below, some items that can help get you (or your miserable coworker) through the day.

Reasonable Doubt: Who Wouldn't Want to Work for This Man?

Collegehumor.com, a website that I can't recommend strongly enough for juvenile humor, recently linked to a rather hilarious lawyer bio. 

Guys, meet Michael K. Brandow:

Nerdish Leanings: Out of Office Auto-Post

I will be out of the office from Saturday, July 14 until Monday, July 16. Please direct any questions to support@thebathtub.net. If a matter is so urgent that it really can't wait until Tuesday, please re-examine your priorities.

I can be reached on my mobile phone if you need to discuss how sweet being at the beach is, or if I have been fired and can continue enjoying myself.

Too Much Information: Fun Things to Do In Microsoft Office

Though Office Week on this blog has presented me with the perfect chance to finally  write my Public Internet Love Manifesto to John Krasinski, I made a last-minute decision to avoid posting any material that could later be used against me on trial for stalking charges.  Instead, a have prepared a short list of fun things you can do with the three most commonly used programs in Microsoft Office: Word, Excel, and Power Point.

Theme for the Week of 7/16: The Office

Men in Cages: Animal House

For the vast majority of my childhood, my household was strictly pet-free.  This was at the behest of my father, who grew up vehemently anti-animal. 

My father’s parents loved birds and kept a pet cockatiel in the home.  To hear my grandmother tell it, this bird was a miraculous creature – beautiful, intelligent, and worldly (as evidenced by its ability to say hello in a dozen different languages).  In spite of this bird’s talents, my father felt no affection for it.

One day, during his teenage years, my father arrived home from school and this spectacular bird flew over to him and perched itself upon his shoulder.  My father grabbed the bird in his fist, threw it to the ground, and stomped it to death.

My father is not a pet person.