The Bathtub

The Omniscient Omtubsman: Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

I said it when Tori missed Weddings week, and I'll say it again now that Justin missed the office week: I felt a vague sense of loss last week as one tubtributor forewent an opportunity to impregnate some really fertile ground. Last week, it was hard for the 'tubsman to wrap his head around office week without of resident office computer nerd putting in his two bytes (haha, lame pun alert). Anyhow, the mid-week news that Gorg-O had been driven underground nearly cleaned the slate but stilI I must say, I hope that in the next round of internet potato Justin Douglas chooses to weigh on the topic. (Incidentally, come back Gorg-O. We need your consistent commenting to keep us honest, just like Hanging with Mr. Cooper needed the credibility of creator Jeff Franklin (who worked on Full House) to bring the credibility necessary to have the show drag on for five excruciating seasons. Except that unlike Hanging with Mr. Cooper, this blog is good and Gorg-O did not create it.) At this point, I'm also going to announce that given the meandering, nonsensical way in which this column began, I'm going to cut the the chase.

KELLYq&a: LAURENq&a

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of KELLYq&a.  The theme being revisited is "The Office."

People rarely ask me for my advice; in college, our dorm-mates preferred flocking to KELLYq when they needed a heart-to-heart, and me when they needed, like, a beer to be bonged.  However, I will do my best today to impart some real wisdom.  We'll see how it goes.

One Nation Under Justin: A Pet I Can Salute

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of One Nation Under Jerome.  The theme being revisited is "pets."

John Jay, the first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court once said:

Truly, there is no better measure of a president than the demeanor of the pet that he keeps. Could one entrust our sovereign liberties to an executive who couldn't even keep his dog from shitting in his dirty clothes hamper? John Jay don't play that.

When it comes to presidential pets, they all have their foibles. You've seen them in the tabloids. Bill Clinton's cat, Socks, had a stocking fetish. Richard Nixon's dog, Checkers, was just a rhetorical device. John Quincy Adams's alligator, Archibald, was addicted to freebase cocaine.

But one president kept a better class of pet: Calvin Coolidge.

So, according to the Google, here is the 6th article for the Bathtub which is somehow related to Calvin Coolidge.

Say WHAT?!

Reasonable Doubt: My Mamma Told Me, You Better Shop Around

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of Reasonable Doubt.  The theme being revisited is "Mom's Choice."

So I have absolutely no experience with the law or law school.  I mean, I did buy an LSAT book and carry it across Europe for two months, not even bothering to crack the spine...well worth the extra luggage weight.  During my senior year of college pretty much everyone I knew took the LSAT.  Recognizing their pain and anguish, I decided to take the GRE instead to pursue a Master's in something-not-law.  So this fall I'll be moving to the Garden State to get myself a Master's degree.  But my mom is not too happy about that.  You see, I may be getting a great education, but it's sub par because its not in Maryland and I cannot live out of my childhood home to attend school and see my mom every day.  I think most moms share my mother's sentiment.  So the following is a list of mother-approved graduate education facilities.  And it's not multiple choice.

Nerdish Leanings,: Marry, Chuck, or Truck (by KELLYq)

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of Nerdish Leanings.  The theme being revisited is "marriage."

I know that it may seem odd that I, KELLYq, giver of sage advice and bastion of all things cool and awesome, am writing Nerdish Leanings for Justin Douglas this week. I know it may take some adjusting for you to accept me as a nerd, but trust me, I'm nerd enough to handle this challenge.

Today, we're going to play a little game called "Marry, Chuck, or Truck." Well, actually, it's not called that, but for the sake of Lauren's mom (Hi, Mommy Beth!) we're going to say Truck instead of a word that might fit better.
If you haven't played the game before, the rules are simple and explained after the jump!

Too Much Information: Statistically Analyzing America

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of Too Much Information.  The theme being revisited is "America"

The first time Too Much Information took on "America" our editrix shared a lot of information about her love for America's Funniest Home Videos. I'm right there with you Lauren, but I wanted to share a bit of information with our readers about our fellow Americans. I've dug up some statistics (from a very, very reliable and reputable source) and have create some pretty graphics to help you interpret these statistics. These statistics came from a geocities website -- that's right, I traveled back in time to 1997 to gather iformation for this post. So, be assured in the knowledge that everything you are about to read is accurate.

Theme for the Week of 7/23: Internet Potato!

Brace yourself: the Tub is getting crazy this week.  Like, really crazy.  Wacky, even.  The theme is "Internet Potato," and it's not like all of our other themes.  Actually, scratch that.  It's exactly like all of our other themes.  Put together.  And scrambled.  Let me explain.

Over the past 10 weeks, the 10 contributors to this blog have each had a turn choosing a weekly theme (except for the Omniscient Omtubsman, whose unique duties require him to abstain from such direct editorial involvement).  Last week marked the end of our second complete theme rotation, which we are now celebrating with a brand new tradition called "Internet Potato."  For Internet Potato week, we're taking our usual posting model--wherein the themes change but our posting schedule doesn't--and flipping it on its head.  That means:

As part of Internet Potato week, each Tubtributor will revisit one theme of his choice from recently-completed rotation. 
In this case, the choices are: 24, Knut Hamsun's The Growth of the Soil, Bees, Marriage, Behind the Scenes, World Religions, America, Travel, Pets, or The Office. 

So how will we breathe new life into these stale, used themes?  By posting as each other!

Each Tubtributor has been assigned to take over the content and time slot of a fellow Tubtributor's column for the week. The Tubtributors will do their best to imitate the style of the feature they're guest-writing--be it an advice column, trivia quiz, optimistic rant, etc.

If you're wondering what this all has to do with potatoes, the answer is nothing.  We just had to name it something.

Next week, we'll be back to our regular schedule with a theme chosen by Lauren.  In the mean time, enjoy this week of Very Special Episodes!

Men in Cages: Read This Immediately! (I'll Probably Have To Delete It Soon)

“The Office” is a pretty big part of my life.  I feel closer with the characters on that show than I do with my own family.  Actually, that’s a lie.  But I do like the show a lot.  And sometimes, when a certain member of my family (one with a history of bird murder) proclaims that “The Office” is “the stupidest show on television,” I am ashamed to be related to him.  (That’s right, O.O.; I can forgive my dad for stomping a cockatiel to death, but not for the fact that he dislikes “The Office.”  Bring on the psychoanalysis.)

Emily's Trivia Quiz: Take a Look it's in a Book...Reading Rainbow

I don't really have an office.  At all.  I work in a giant building with screaming children, terrible mothers who STEAL $50 WORTH OF THOMAS TRAINS, overpriced CDs and lots and lots of books.  That's not really an office, but it's my office (at least till Tuesday).  So, in the spirit of my "office," today you will get a literature quiz.  And when I say literature it's a broad term.  Because I might even include some James Patterson.  And anyone who knows anything about literature knows that someone who "writes" books with other people who just do all the work for you because you couldn't possibly write a new 546 page book every month is a total hack.  And J. Pat, if you're reading this, I'd love to see you prove otherwise.  Because I sell enough of your damn books.  And they probably help pad my paycheck every month.  But I will stick with Eloise, Roald Dahl, and ohmygodit'salmosthereandiamgoingtopeemypants Harry Potter!  (Which I'm not going to link to, because if you don't know who Harry Potter is you either live in a cave, are really really stupid, or don't have internet access, which means you aren't reading this anyway.)  Also, if you're reading this post as soon as it comes out, it means you only have to wait 15 hours and one minute to get your hands on number seven.  Just in case you were wondering.

Shiny Happy Caitlar: The Immigration Tango

Okay so usually when I punk out on the bathtub, it's for one of 2 reasons: 1) I am drunk/hungover or 2) I am crazy busy at work. I feel like #1 is pretty self-explanatory and many people can sympathize. Sometimes you can barely string a coherent sentence together, let alone try to lend our readership some insight on a given topic. I've also tried before to somewhat explain why my work (U.S. business immigration law) takes up all the time and brain power I have on an unpredictable and sporadic basis. Luckily, I am not going to  punk out today. Rather, I'm going to try explain #2 a little better because immigration is like so totally trendy right now in U.S. politics and I really enjoy my job and my office, but in times like these, immigration gets confusing and overwhelming.