Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of One Nation Under Jerome. The theme being revisited is "pets."
John Jay, the first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court once said:
Truly, there is no better measure of a president than the demeanor of the pet that he keeps. Could one entrust our sovereign liberties to an executive who couldn't even keep his dog from shitting in his dirty clothes hamper? John Jay don't play that.
When it comes to presidential pets, they all have their foibles. You've seen them in the tabloids. Bill Clinton's cat, Socks, had a stocking fetish. Richard Nixon's dog, Checkers, was just a rhetorical device. John Quincy Adams's alligator, Archibald, was addicted to freebase cocaine.
But one president kept a better class of pet: Calvin Coolidge.
So, according to the Google, here is the 6th article for the Bathtub which is somehow related to Calvin Coolidge.
Say WHAT?!
According to this legitimate-seeming site, Coolidge had a whole menagerie. And you never see any of them flashing their va-jay-jays getting out of a limo.
Nip and Tuck, Canaries: Despite their name, these birds have never had cosmetic surgery. They did, however, start a foundation to help in the fight against multiple sclerosis.
Calamity Jane, Sheepdog: Was originally bred to be a super-villain's attack dog, but actually ended up working to keep inner-city kids from joining gangs.
Blacky, Cat: At the time, this cat didn't seem too racist.
Ebeneezer, Donkey: Saved Christmas for Tiny Tim (one of Coolidge's pet Chows. What the hell is a chow anyway?).
Rebecca, Raccoon: OK, so Rebecca ate garbage. That's kind of scandalous, but then again, she's a raccoon, so whatever.
If you want to learn something true about Coolidge's pets (Yeah right!), this article seems factual. And by "factual" I mean "too long for me to bother reading."
Justin Douglas usually writes "Nerdish Leanings," which runs on Monday afternoons. For more information, click here. For more information about "One Nation Under Jerome," click here.
Dear Justin Douglas,
You have done a truly superb job here. Especially the part about the freebase cocaine. Bravo.
Yours,
Tori
Posted by: Tori | July 24, 2007 at 03:08 PM
I'm proud to be the un-official preferred president of The Bathtub!
(But seriously, wtf? FIVE of you have now mentioned me in your posts? What are you doing?)
Posted by: Calvin Coolidge | July 24, 2007 at 03:11 PM
Actually, I'm slightly more preferred than you. Tubbers love my style and flair.
Posted by: James Buchanan | July 24, 2007 at 03:31 PM
YOU BOTH ARE FUCKING PUSSIES!!!!
Posted by: Andrew Jackson | July 24, 2007 at 03:52 PM
Where is the love, Tubtributors? Where is the f'n love?
Posted by: William Howard Taft | July 24, 2007 at 03:54 PM
William Howard Taft, my dad is named after you
Posted by: KELLYq | July 24, 2007 at 04:22 PM
You're batting third, Taft. Jesus don't be such a big baby.
http://www.thebathtub.net/the_bathtub/2007/07/reasonable-doub.html
Posted by: D.C. | July 24, 2007 at 04:29 PM
Oddly enough I think I've actually been to that website before.
Posted by: Jerome | July 24, 2007 at 04:45 PM
poor Taft. He was so fat that once he got stuck in a bathtub in the white house. Being the only president with a well-known mishap involving a real bathtub probably accounts for his dismay in being number 2 here.
Posted by: sally jesse | July 25, 2007 at 12:42 PM