KELLYq&a: LAURENq&a

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of KELLYq&a.  The theme being revisited is "The Office."

People rarely ask me for my advice; in college, our dorm-mates preferred flocking to KELLYq when they needed a heart-to-heart, and me when they needed, like, a beer to be bonged.  However, I will do my best today to impart some real wisdom.  We'll see how it goes.

How to Pull an All-Nighter at Work

The topic I've chosen to address is, unfortunately, all too near and dear to me this week.  My role in editing an extremely large document required me to be at my office from 9:30 a.m. Sunday until 9:00 a.m. Monday, and I am not the kind of person who can handle being sleep deprived.  In fact, I'm still feeling a bit ill from it all, and that may account for the poor quality of this post.  Regardless, here are my critical tips for getting yourself through an all-nighter.

1. Take advantage of any and all free food offers. This is something a co-worker taught me when we ordered out from Maggiano's and I indicated that all I wanted was some chicken parmesan.  "Lauren," she told me, "this is all we get for doing this.  The food.  Order more, even if you're not going to eat it."  She then showed me her own order, which included two appetizers, an entree, and two desserts.  I quickly added an appetizer and a piece of cake to my own.  She was right; I didn't eat even half of it all, but it felt good just knowing it was there, and that someone else had paid for it all.
2. Stop talking after about 15 hours. The further you get into your all-nighter, the more incoherent you will be.  However, you will have to continue working with these people in the future, so it is not a good idea to say things like, "You know, the funny thing is, this project isn't that really important to me," or, "Yearrrrrrrrgh alllllllllll rhajhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh," two things that make you seem like an undedicated worker and/or a caveman, respectively.
3. Don't think about what your friends are doing. This will only make it so much worse.  For example, my three best girl friends were at the beach this weekend on a fun trip that I could have been on too if I hadn't been working, and trust me, it did not make it better to look up from a stack of papers and realize they were probably sitting on the beach at that very instant.  Actually, it made me want to kill myself.
4. Candy.  You will need lots.
5. Caffeine.  Obvi.
6. Disregard your appearance. There is absolutely no point in trying to go into an all-nighter situation looking attractive.  There is no way you will come out of it looking like anything but utter crap, so you may as well not waste your time putting on makeup (or even showering) beforehand.
7. Console yourself with office supplies.  Surround yourself with the finest pens, hi-liters and notebooks you can find, because even the smallest of pleasures may ease your burden during your 5 a.m. slump.
8. Talk about it as much as possible.  Make sure everyone you know is aware of how awful your life is and how unbelievably stoic you are for pulling your all-nighter.  This is where blogs come in handy.
9. Drive home carefully.  After all is said and done and you get to go home (!), drive verrrrry carefully.  It is unbelievable how disoriented and impaired you feel after working such an insane schedule, but it is not a good idea to get in a car accident--mainly because it is one more thing that will come between you and sleeping.

Working through the night sucks, but the good news is that I've already managed to get my sleep schedule back on track.  After being released from work Monday, I slept from 10 a.m. until 7:00 p.m. that day, then again from 11:00 p.m. that night until noon the next day.  It was a sleep marathon (22 out of 26 hours!!) that few people can pull off, but few people are as lazy as I.

Comments

[Tori]

"There is no way you will come out of it looking like anything but utter crap, so you may as well not waste your time putting on makeup (or even showering) beforehand."

This basically sums up my attitude on day to day existence.

[Caitlar]

Omg Lauren that sucks like whoa. I don't think I even ever pulled all-nighters in college, let alone at work. Seriouxbeez.

[Buddy Love]

Man, I was hoping for a worksheet. :-(

[Caitlar]

Although if she were grading, BL, you would get an F for not reading. The woman was at work for 24 hours and then slept another 24. I think it's safe to assume she had no time for crafting worksheets.

[Buddy Love]

Caitlar, I appreciate your reply. Really, I do. Your insight has made me recognize the errors in my ways - you know, the assumption that post would be done in the "style of the feature they're guest-writing". And since KELLYq has been totally kicking ass in her worksheets, I was kind of hoping Lauren would do the same. But no matter. Thanks again for the jab!

[KELLYq]

Don't you fret, Buddy Darling, I'll make a worksheet for you soon.