The Bathtub

One Nation Under Jerome: Circles, Woooooo

Circles are awesome.  They're round.  They can roll down hills.  The ratio of their circumference to their radius . . . has something to do with pi.  Here are some pictures of them.  What's not to like?

That being said, I ain't got time for circles now, or any polygons for that matter.  (If a circle is not technically a polygon, don't correct me, I don't care.)  One Nation Under Jerome will appear in its new, improved format next week.  And by "improved", I mean "I will actually write it." 

Reasonable Doubt: Welcome to 2L

It was a little harder coming up with a connection to the theme this week, so this one is going to be short and sweet. 

The first column I wrote was Welcome to 1L.  They tell you never to go back and look at what you wrote as a 1L, because you will be embarrassed by it.  I think the sages who came up with that were talking about legal writing, but it probably applies to rookie blogging, also.  I just read my old stuff, and I don't think it was all that bad.  But then again, I'm rarely embarrassed and I have an ego that most would be ashamed of.  But not me.  Because of the ego.  Vicious circle indeed.  The omtubsman usually keeps us in line, but I think it's about time I pulled the wagons full circle and examined my own work over the past year.  I know it's not actually a year, and I know this seems like an aribitrary and capricious time to examine the past, but it was either this or another haiku.

Nerdish Leanings: The Vicious Circle of Video Game Addiction

Part I: Justin establishes a tenuous link between the week's theme and his chosen topic.

Video games tend to set people up into a vicious circle of addiction. The longer you play video games, the better you get at them and the worse you get at everything else in life by comparison. Additionally, the more you play them, the less people will hang out with you, and the more free time you'll have to play games.

Add to this a system where when you finally finish a game on its "normal" difficulty setting, you unlock the "real man" difficulty setting and have no choice but to remain seated, thumbs permanently bent by years of button-jabbing. Throw in some jiggly animated boobs and explosions, and get the poop-sock ready.

They might as well just build a crack-pipe directly into the controller.

Too Much Information: The Circle of Celebrity Media Exposure

Whether it's the four basic types of literary plots or the 12 kinds of ads or something else entirely, there are plenty of signs in this world that there are only so many ways for certain storylines to play out.  In the world of celebrities, this is really no different: the stories that fascinate us today are essentially the same ones that fascinated us 10, 20, and 60 years ago--they just have different pictures.  Some pieces of text--names, dates, specific quantities of drugs, etc.--also change, but that's about it.  Some celebrity storylines are even more predictable than others because they come in the form of an endlessly repeating circle; for example, today I will outline the Circle of Celebrity Media Exposure.

Theme for the Week of 7/30: Circles

One time in school, our teacher brought out a big cardboard circle with a hole cut into the middle.  We had to pass it around our table and take turns pretending it was something.  For example, one person picked up the circle and said it was a bagel and pretended to eat it.  Another kid put her head through it and said it was a necklace.  Someone else pretended it was the window to his submarine.  Basically, it was like improv comedy without being funny.

That was when I was eight.  Now I'm 24 and I'm making "Circles" the theme for this week--hopefully we can be funnier than children holding a piece of cardboard.  After all, the last thing I want to read about is Jerome eating a fake bagel or Justin Douglas peering out of his imaginary submarine.

Jerome's Trivia Quiz!: [Note to self, find song lyrics that relate to this week's theme]

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of Emily's Trivia Quiz!.  The theme being revisited is "All of them, suckas!!!" also known as "End of Semester Review."

Alright folks, listen up.  Emily's a good quiz master and all, but quite frankly she's been too easy on all of you.  Anyone remember that kids' book where the kids are mean to the nice teacher, so she wears a disguise and is real mean to the kids, and then she comes back and everyone likes her much better?  Well, A) isn't that a poor strategy tantamout to psychological child abuse?  And B) I'm going to be the bad teacher, to whip you all into shape, so you can start behaving in Emily's class again.

Below is a quiz on the entire semester of the Bathtub.  See if you can pass my end-of-semester review, taking into account every freakin' topic of this past cycle.  There is an answer key at the back of the book.

Men in Cages: With This Ring I Thee Give Shiny Things

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of Men in Cages.  The theme being revisited is "Weddings."

Okay so here I am, Caitlar the Queen, charged with the task of writing Men in Cages this week from a feminist perspective. Now I’m pretty girly in the traditional sense—I enjoy gossip, shopping, kittens, cute things, etc—but I’m totally down with feminism (not that I’m saying traditional girliness and feminism are mutually exclusive, but feminism asks us to reevaluate traditional gender stereotypes, and I felt the need to address the stereotype that feminists are all butch, hanger-wielding lesbians). I totally dig female empowerment and equality in the home, workplace, media, etc. and I think we have a responsibility to not allow societal constructs to limit the paths we've chosen for ourselves. But there are a few traditions that, as a feminist, I should not be into because their histories are rooted in exploitation and dominance. One tradition I have a particular problem letting go of is the wedding.

Shiny Happy Caitlar D.C.: Going to the Chapel...

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of Shiny Happy Caitlar D.C.  The themes being revisited are "Marriage" and "24."

Last time I wrote about marriage, I mentioned that two of my friends were getting married (not to each other).  For those of you keeping score at home, the last time I wrote about 24... I didn't. 

For one of my buddies, the wedding is this weekend, and in a little less than 24 hours I will be driving to the eastern shore of Maryland to ruin -- I mean attend -- this joyous occasion.  After the jump is my itinerary, hour by hour, of the big day.  I am EXCITED.  It's wedding season!

YouTub: The Less Kitty-Friendly Edition

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of YouTub.  The theme being revisited is "Pets."

Ooh, look at me.  I'm writing the YouTub column.  I love kitties sooo much.  They're just so cute and cuddly-wuddly.  Aww, look at 'em:

E-Bathing: The Silent Horror of Hobson

Note: This is a special Internet Potato edition of E-Bathing. The theme being revisited is "Pets."

Internet potato has been kind to me - not only have I drawn the same day, I've more or less drawn the same topic. eBay isn't all that different from YouTube, except instead of posting their shit all over the place for the possibility of internet fame, eBayers do it for profit, which, frankly, is far more respectable. Still, eBay has more than its share of pathetic offerings, especially when you trawl a particularly creepy and obsessive subset of its contributions - those of the pet lovers.