Too Much Information: My Seven Wonders

We live on a wonderful planet with many truly amazing sights--or so I am told.  I personally don't travel too much, because traveling requires money, planning, and a desire to leave one's couch.  Let's face it, if I had those three things I would have left this town a long time ago to try and discover a serum that would keep kittens from turning into cats.

Despite my lack of adventurousness and the fact that I never saw any of the old seven, I am still interested in the outcome of the Swiss-based New Open World Corporation's quest to name the New Seven Wonders of the World.  This project was first launched in 1999; a short list of contenders were announced last year, and the winners are scheduled to be announced on 7/7/07, which is just around the corner.  As of last night you could still vote on the project's website for your favorite contender.

But rather than vote for some new wonders that I will probably never see, I decided to come up with my own list instead: Lauren's Seven Wonders of the World.  They're all places I've visited, and they all have a certain something about them that makes them more exciting than my couch.

Lauren's Seven Wonders of the World

1. The last rest stop on the Garden State Turnpike. My family drives from Maryland to Massachusetts at least once a year, and this glorious piece of highway heaven is where we always take our first bathroom break on the way. My father considers it a moral defeat to stop the car before this point, and despite the fact that I stop drinking fluids at least six hours before any long car ride I am always about three seconds from bursting by the time we're there.  However, thanks to the combination of plentiful toilets and delicious (and dehydrating!) Burger King fries to be found here, this welcome center is a welcome sight indeed.

2. The billboards for South of the Border. South of the Border is a gigantic shopping center in South Carolina, and judging from its billboards you'd think it was the most wonderful place on earth.  It's not; it's actually kind of lame, and it's downright sketchy at night.  But the billboards, which start cropping up when you're still hundreds of miles away, are highly entertaining.  Some tell of fireworks, others of food and drink; still others make no sense at all--

--but they are always a delight, and spotting them makes any trip south more fun.

3. German nurses. In August of 2001 I ventured out of this country for the first time in my life on a family trip through France, Germany, Belgium, and Luxembourg.  We were supposed to visit Amsterdam as well, but due to an unfortunate fainting incident involving the cold stone floor of a German cathedral I ended up with a massive concussion and was hospitalized overnight, thus throwing our schedule off and making the Dutch day trip impossible.  Still, it was because of this twist of fate that I got to spend some time with the unbelievably cheery staff of the tiny German clinic I was admitted to, and that actually turned out to be one of the highlights of my trip.

See, despite speaking a language that sounds like human gunshots, Germans are extremely pleasant people, and the nurses were the best of the bunch.  They wore colorful shirts that said "Guten Tag!" in big letters, smiled all the time, and said (in remarkably good English) things like, "I brought peppermint tea for my special little American!  Smile, my dear little American friend!"  This was a welcome contrast to the sneering French, and a shoo-in for my list of Wonders.

4. Mini Europe. One of my main problems with traveling is that the amount of walking one must undertake to see a single landmark seems unfairly disproportionate.  Why is everything so spread out?  Would it have killed the French to put the Arc d'Triomphe right next to the Eiffel Tower?  Well, there is a fantastic attraction in Brussels, Belgium that seems to have been designed with people like me in mind.  Mini Europe contains painstakingly accurate miniature replicas of all of Europe's most famous attractions; as a result, you can take in the entire European experience in about the amount of time it would take you to climb the stairs at Montmartre.  Plus, you get to feel like a giant.

5. The toilet in the lobby of our hotel in Belgium. I doubt anyone who has ever spent time with me--and, consequently, my tiny bladder--would be surprised that two of the seven wonders of my world are restrooms.  For the most time, I found much of Europe to be extremely hostile to someone who has to pee as much as I do.  Between pay toilets and disgusting, primitive latrines, I was in constant horror at the state of the restrooms in a place as supposedly cultured as Europe.  However, the toilet in the lobby of our Brussels hotel was an amazing sight--a glowing, gorgeous model with a seat that rotated as it self-sanitized.  And you didn't have to pay to use it!

Upon exiting this bathroom at one point I was greeted by a nice young gentlemen who excitedly asked me if he could practice his English with me, a "real American!"  I obliged, and immediately asked him, "Tell me, are all of the toilets in your country so amazing?"  He looked confused, like maybe he didn't know English as well as he thought he did, because it sounded like I was asking him about bathrooms.  But after I gestured at the bathroom and repeated my question, he realized that his English was fine, it was just that I was insane.

6. Disney World. My list would not be complete without a shout out to D-Dubz.  Aside from the Magic Kingdom--which really is magic because it is the only theme park in the world where I am not afraid to ride the roller coasters--Disney World is home to my beloved Epcot Center and the Beauty and the Beast stage show at MGM.  Call me predictable, but until you build me a better theme park I'm keeping Disney on my list.

7. My couch. OK, I know I said the things on my list would be "more exciting than my couch," but let's face it: no list of my favorite places would be complete without it.  Traveling is exhausting, and I'm OK with only doing it for a week or two out of the year at most.  The rest of the time I'm perfectly content to sit on my sofa and get my kicks from reality shows and Friends reruns and maybe, if I'm feeling particularly ambitious, a trek to my kitchen for some Lucky Charms.

Lauren McMahon (e-mail, website) writes "Too Much Information" on Mondays at noon.  Find out more here.

Comments

[Jerome]

Good God I have no idea what that South of the Border sign is supposed to mean.

[Jerome]

Also, when I was at the Alhambra in Spain last month, they had all this propaganda about voting the Alhambra as the new 7th wonder of the world.

[Caitlar]

2 things.

The South of the Border sign means: You never SAW SUCH A Place. You're always a WINNER at Pedro's. Duh, you guys. Psh.

I sometimes watch Good Morning America while getting ready for work and I think like 2 months ago they did their own New 7 Wonders of the World. I was really excited. It was LAME. It included the internet. The internet! Again, lame.

[Tori]

I don't know, dude. The internet is pretty wonderful. Without it, I wouldn't be able to be a part of this delightful blog community. :-)

I <3 you all.

[Inactive account]

In connection with this week's theme, you might want to try out this Facebook application: http://apps.facebook.com/whereivebeen/

I have always wondered what countries Cathy Addison-Wheeler has been to.

[Tori]

Woah. Gorg-o. Substandard fanaticism there. Cathy Addison-WHEELER?!

I deeply apologize to Ms. Addison-Weemer

[KMAC]

i cannot believe you neglected to say how "FRESH" the fries are... it's miracle that needs to be mentioned. that's what makes it Wonderful. and disney world is too low on the list. ok, that's all.

[justin]

when you're driving north through georgia to south carolina, they have all these signs for "crazy steve's fireworks." The first one you see says

"Billions and Billions of fireworks, 300 miles"

then,

"Billions of fireworks, 200 miles"

then "millions of fireworks, 100 miles"

then "thousands of fireworks, 10 miles"

by which point you HAVE TO STOP AT CRAZY STEVE's. Because you know that any establishment that can not only reduce their stock by an order of magnitude every hour BUT ALSO update their signs faster than you can drive has got to have great fireworks.

Also, steve is apparently crazy. which is something that is rare in the kind of guy that would own a fireworks store.

[EmGusk]

i totally got sick eating the food at SotB. it was really gross.