Well, dear readers, we have had a busy week here in the tub! Plenty of tubtribz have had oodles to say about various religions and their pluses and minuses. For your enjoyment today, I have a worksheet that will guide you through the process of creating your very own religion! I hope this will be an occasion for you to reflect on what the tub has taught you this week and to exercise your creative muscles.
Responses are encouraged in the comments section, obvi, and if you so desire, I will grade you. (Come on, some of you genuinely miss being graded, admit it!)
First, complete Worksheet #4: Creating Your Own Religion. Complete sentences are unnecessary, and the directions should be clear. I will however, answer questions if you raise your hand.
After you complete the worksheet, fill in the sentence stems below. This is the section I will grade, so revise your sentences for errors in conventions and usage!
I look forward to hearing your responses.
"KELLYq & a" runs on Wednesday mornings. For more information, click here.
1. My religion is called Bathtubianity.
2. It is the best religion because it has a blog and it doesn't make you do anything on Sundays.
3. It is better than Bathtub Christian Science, Orthodox Bathtubaism or The Church of the Latter Day Bathtubs because those are just cheap knockoffs of the one true religion.
4. My symbol represents a bathtub.
5. By joining my religion, you will regularly get extremely long group e-mails in your inbox, but at least we don't go door to door.
Posted by: Lauren | June 20, 2007 at 10:01 AM
A+
Posted by: KELLYq | June 20, 2007 at 10:11 AM
1. My religion is called Washingtonduism.
2. It is the best religion because the zone system of cab fares is superior to a meter system.
3. It is better than Baltimorianity because the Nationals recently swept the Orioles, and posted a 4 and 2 record against them this season.
4. My symbol represents nothing, because Washingtonduism does not have a voting representative.
5. By joining my religion, you will be forced to buy a SmarTrip card for Metro use, for that is the one true way of transcending.
Posted by: D.C. | June 20, 2007 at 10:29 AM
B
Posted by: KELLYq | June 20, 2007 at 10:35 AM
hahaha that is harsh, his was way better than mine
Posted by: Lauren | June 20, 2007 at 10:39 AM
1. My religion is calle
Posted by: Phylan | June 20, 2007 at 10:56 AM
1. My religion is called Jeromiouxbeez.
2. It is the best religion because members of all other religions will be damned eternally.
3. It is better than JimRamstadiouxbeez because it does not involve the desecration of our zoos.
4. My symbol represents Chipotle, a food that is delicious to devout Jeromiouxbeezoids.
5. By joining my religion, you will learn the true meaning of the holiest tenets of Jeromiouxbeez, such as "Yeah right" "Say WHAT?!?!" and "Whatchu WANT?"
Posted by: Jerome | June 20, 2007 at 11:14 AM
That's as much as I got done but Lauren was kicking my desk and the whole thing wasn't fair
Posted by: Phylan | June 20, 2007 at 11:39 AM
1.) My religion is called femininduism.
2.) It is the best religion because girlz roxorz.
3.) It is better than masculinduism because it involves more boobies.
4.) My symbol represents ovaries.
5.) By joining my religion, you will probably become a little bitchier, but you'll save money on bras and accessories and all that other shit we feminindus deem wholly unnecessary.
Posted by: Tori | June 20, 2007 at 11:46 AM
*Actually, not ALL accessories are deemed unnecessary by feminindus. We are definitely in support of feminindu lunch boxes/purses.
Posted by: Tori | June 20, 2007 at 11:55 AM
1. my religion is called AWESOMISM and it is spelled with all caps.
2. It is the best religion because it is totally sweet, awesome, and involves lots of pie eating and wearing silly outfits
3. It is better than all other religions because they are totally not cool and said your mom is a tramp, which we would never say
4. my symbol is a squirrel wearing sunglasses next to attractive people eating pie and in front of a big explosion; it represents that we are awesome.
5. By joining my religion you will be perceived by others as way cooler than you are now and, therefore more sexually attractive by the sex of your choice; you will do fun arts and crafts, sleep in a hammock, eat pie and receive an annual box of free pornography (for men) or erotica (for women).
Posted by: sally jesse | June 20, 2007 at 01:49 PM
GRADES THUS FAR:
sally jesse: A
Jeromez: A-
TorTorz: B
Phylan: NG, we all know you have special accomodations for extra time, I want your work in by tomorrow
Lauren: Stop kicking Phylan's desk or I will not let you color
DC: Upon re-grading, I award you a B+
Posted by: KELLYq | June 20, 2007 at 05:59 PM
Ugh, I got the lowest grade in the class AND Buddy Love said my post was teh suck. Miss Kellyq, I am totally going to put my head on my desk and start crying. (And that is always hella awkward for the teacher.)
Posted by: Tori | June 20, 2007 at 06:27 PM
Tori, OMG just do some extra credit work like washing my desks and buying me beer and I will TOTEZ boost your grade
Posted by: KELLYq | June 20, 2007 at 07:13 PM
What are atheists supposed to do? :(
Posted by: Karl Marx | June 20, 2007 at 11:11 PM
Start your own economic system. I have a feeling you have some things to say on that front, eh comrade?
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