Religion begets religious zeal which begets hilarious religious paraphenalia which begets this post. Of all the world's religions, Christianity has set itself apart in the field of bizarre religious items. Though these items seem to be heretically kitchsy, their owners are actually a very pious bunch. Trust me on this, my grandmother had a Holographic Last Supper painting (you can have your very own for just $20) so I know from tacky religious stuff. The fact that someone can own a Glow-in-the-dark Jesus and enjoy -- even revere -- it is a testament to the power of both Jesus' love and the joys of expendable income. Without further ado, the wonders of His love, E-Bay style.
Most things that bare JHC's likeness or name are pretty respectful. For example, this lamp allows your faith in the Messiah to literally shine. Though it may seem too tacky for the Lord, it's pretty safe to say that this lamp was probably created with good intentions. I don't know if that's necessarily true of this shot glass emblazened with the words "I love Jesus." Every time you take a shot, baby Jesus cries. Or maybe that's just your real children. Put down the Jesus shot glass, you alcoholic.
As per usual with Ebay, I had to wade through a lot of PM crap to get to the good stuff. A stand-out among the PM figurines is this little beauty entitled "Jesus is the Only Way." This will send two subtle reminders to all your friends, regardless of their religious views: 1) yours is the one true God, and 2) you like spending money on ugly and childish figurines. I can just imagine the precious moments this figurine will create when you meet your Wiccan in-laws. (If you're paying attention you'll notice that the picture shown here is not of a figurine. Deal)
After what seemed like 40 years spent in a desert of PM figurines, the clouds parted and I found sweet figurine-manna from heaven. Yes, that's right, I found the "Jesus is my coach" series of figurines made famous on Conan O'Brien a few years back. This is a series of statues that portray Jesus playing different sports with children to unintentionally hilarious effect. There are many, many sports statues to choose from but the Mayor's must have of the week is this Jesus is my coach gymnastic sports statue on sale for just over $15 from generationsrelgft. I can't bring myself to make the obvious and filthy jokes suggested by this statue. Sorry folks, I've finally found the line I won't cross.
Don't worry non-Christians, I did some (really half-assed) searching just for you. It was pretty difficult to find good non-Christian items. After all, a lot of other religions prohibit the depiction of their deities, and those that do depict their deities seem to be a bit more tasteful than Christians. After much searching, I decided that the Mayor's must-have for non-Christians is a Golden Calf. 
I figured that a golden calf would hold some appeal for both Jews and Hindus (sorry to all the Jeromiouxbeezers out there -- I just couldn't find anything for you). Unfortunately, all E-Bay had in the way of golden calves was this original oil painting of an actual calf painted by the seller, hocking_hills. It's a steal at $23 (including shipping), and as hocking_hills points out, this calf's a cutie. This golden calf is also a lot less likely to invoke the rage of Moses and God, so that's something.
That kid playing with Jesus in the football one is totally grabbing the messiah's junk.
Posted by: Phylan | June 21, 2007 at 09:20 AM
Did you see the golf statue? The Lord is a little touchy feely in that one.
Posted by: The Mayor | June 21, 2007 at 11:51 AM
HOLY SHIT.
Posted by: Tori | June 21, 2007 at 12:03 PM
What?
Posted by: Inactive account | June 21, 2007 at 12:04 PM
I thought it would be a funny thing to say. You know, like on many levels. What with the post being all about shit you can buy, that happens to be holy. And, dude, that golf figurine definetely merits alarmed shouts.
Posted by: Tori | June 21, 2007 at 12:09 PM
The Schedule on the right still needs to be updated.
Posted by: Inactive account | June 21, 2007 at 12:13 PM
Your mom still needs to be updated.
Posted by: Tori | June 21, 2007 at 12:16 PM
I demand that martial arts statue! How awesome would Jesus forcing two kids to kick each others' asses look on top of your TV, or as a hood ornament?
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