Andy Poo and I were hanging out the other day and while we were waiting for our clay facial masks and pedicures to dry, we flipped on the TV to find much to our delight that one of the best movies ever made was on: Mean Girls. I love Mean Girls, not only because it is actually a very funny and well-written film, but because I feel like it truly reveals the inner-workings of teenage girls. Although it doesn't really explain why girls treat each other the way they do, it is an accurate portrayl for the most part of how girls can be. The Queen Bee is central to this theme. Just like LiLo in her last commercially successful role, I find myself drawn to the Queen Bee of the film, Regina George; I agree with Lindsay's character Cady when she says, "the weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me."
You see, a Queen Bee requires some emotional gymnastics on the part of the proletariate. We (girls) think they are mean, admire them for their beauty, are awed by their confidence, envy their material wealth, yet at the same time, project our own desires to be all of those things. No one likes the Queen Bee, but everyone wants to be her. I doubt there is a high school, and maybe even a workplace, that does have at least one Queen Bee. And you might say, well in order for her to be Queen Bee, if we are in fact directly relating our discussion to actual queen bees, there would only be one. Not so, though. Because I think in girl-world, Bee really stands for another word: Bitch.
As any girl knows, there is more than one type of Bee (we'll continue to use the nicer term). Although the Queen Bee, who we'll soon encounter, is probably the most recognizable and hated Bee, several other catagories of Bees pervade every-day girl existence. Here is a short list of different Bee breeds and famous examples of each. I am obviously authorized to say what these famous people are like because I both know them personally and am a lisensed psychologist.
The Alpha Bee
Most Famous Example: Paris Hilton
Characteristics: This is the Queen Bee, the one that's the leader of the pack, the most popular, most wealthy, most coniving, and most convincing Bee of them all. Every boy wants her and every girl wants to be her and hate her at the same time. She manages to spread rumors and steal boyfriends without a bat of an eyelash because she's orchestrated it all behind the scenes. She's always in control, never appears concerned, and always gets what she wants, even when it seems she shouldn't. If she decides you are worthy enough to be her friend, you are immediately popular.
The Wannabe Bee
Most Famous Example: Lindsay Lohan
Characteristics: This Bee loves attention (especially that which is being showered upon the Alpha Bee) and will do anything she can to get it. This includes appearing at parties where she knows paparazzi will be, speading rumors about herself, causing fights between friends, getting injurred or "exhausted" repeatedly, going to rehab facilities that aren't really rehab, not wearing underwear and "inadvertently" flashing people (repeatedly), and just being an overall attention whore. This Bee has no regard for people's feelings or the consequences of her actions, she just wants it all.
The Psycho Bee
Most Famous Example: New York
Characteristics: This Bee is just insane. She is a diva to the nth degree, but lives in a universe that's not quite reality. She's loud, she's ready to fight, she likes to moon people to show her disapproval and she is high maintenance all over. She likes bad boys and men that wear large clocks as necklaces and will fight any woman who stands in her way. She also likes her burgers with cheese, hold the onions, extra mayo on that sh**.
The Stupid Bee
Most Famous Example: Britney Spears
Characteristics: This Bee is sometimes known as the Country Bee. She was once an Alpha Bee, but made some bad career moves and married someone not Bee-approved, sending her into Cheeto and Red Bull oblivion for some time. This Bee may try to make a comeback, only to go overboard with her old friends, and wind up shaving off all her hair in act of defiance against the media that was once in love with her.
The Mama Bee
Most Famous Example: Dina Lohan
Characteristics: This Bee is special because she is not on the same level as other Bees. In fact, she is the mother of a Bee, and being such, tries to become a Bee by befriending her offspring and her offspring's friends. Instead of guiding her little Bee, the Mama Bee encourages and enables the baby Bee's behavior, even feasting off baby Bee's sloppy seconds. Bets are often made who will go off the deep-end first: baby or mama.
The Blogger Bee
Most Famous Example: ???
Characteristics: A new breed, the Blogger Bee is a Bee that hides behind the guise of internet text. She says what she wants about anyone with no regard to her subjects. She thinks the world revolves around her and her do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as she can make a name for herself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends she loses or people she leaves dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so she can make a name for herself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends she loses or people she leaves dead and bloodied and dying along the way.
What, no mention of the Queen Bee L'il Kim??
Posted by: The Mayor | May 31, 2007 at 04:55 PM
Or the Wu-Tang Killer Bees?
Posted by: D.C. | May 31, 2007 at 05:23 PM
I don't know if it was intentional or not (I assume it was, but you might have left it out), but the title of the book Mean Girls is based off of is called Queen Bees and Wannabes.
Posted by: D.C. | May 31, 2007 at 05:26 PM
Yes, actually, I did know that. I've watched E! True Hollywood Story: Mean Girls and I know all about it. I've never read the book though.
Posted by: Caitlar | May 31, 2007 at 05:51 PM
Caitlar, may I just say that your formatting skills have really come along nicely in the past few weeks?
Posted by: Lauren | May 31, 2007 at 06:06 PM
When Herr Lauren says "Poor formatting has no place,"
We "HEIL! HEIL!" right in Herr Lauren's face
Posted by: Phylan | May 31, 2007 at 07:12 PM
i got that book out of the library after seeing the movie, obvi and read it. it is very good, even though it's a parenting book, and the most surprising thing to me was that some of the stuff the characters in the movie say are actual real things girls in the nonfiction parenting book say. (did that make sense?). anyway, i'm totally prepared (and terrified) to have teenage girls now. also, most of the research was done at high schools in the d.c. region. and one of my bffs in high school is named karin smith...oooooh
Posted by: EmGusk | May 31, 2007 at 07:34 PM
i like lindsay style... thanks for your info anyway :)
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