Bees are all over ebay. They are on ceramic figures and applique tee-shirts and a ridiculous number of teacher-related crap. Many of these items include ridiculous bee puns, and are best left un-publicized. There is, however, an entire genre of bee merchandise that merits exploration. After the jump, bees!
Ebay has about a billion different kinds of bee costumes for sale, making bee-costumes arguably more plentiful than actual bees. I can appreciate the desire to dress like a bee. Bee costumes are, after all, pretty adorable. Have you seen a baby dressed like a bee? I hate babies, but seeing a "babee" makes me laugh like a little girl, and I didn't even laugh like that when I actually was a little girl.
Though humans have always enjoyed animal costumes, they used to like dressing up like large and ferocious animals like the bear. But dressing like a bear is so 2000 years ago -- humans only dressed up like bears because they have big scary claws and sharp teeth. Now that we have guns (and therefore no longer need to fear claws and teeth), the animal-costume-focus has shifted to more worthy animals and away from those lazy, ne'er do well bears. And I am glad because bears have the worst work ethic I've ever seen in a species. They sleep for three months straight! Bears don't even try to maul people any more, all they want to do is rifle through garbage so they can make an appearance on a local news show.
Bears are nature's goofus, while bees are nature's gallant. In the time it takes a bear to get tranquilized and fall out of a tree onto a trampoline, a bee has already pollinated 300 flowers and made 8 ounces of honey. Bees are responsible for pollination, they make honey, and they use funny little dances to communicate. But don't sleep on bees because they could f*** you up if they wanted. I think we were all traumatized by the unfortunate demise of Macauley Culkin in My Girl.
In the spirit of honoring these intrepid insects, I suggest that everyone should try dressing up like a bee at least once in their lives. Luckily for you, there is a wide variety of bee suits for your choosing available on ebay and on some costume site I found through google ads. There are costumes for men and for women, for adults and for children, for the chaste and for the skanky, but most importantly there are bee suits for dogs.
My Must-Have of the week is the "Honey Bee Dog Clothes Dress Sweater Costume Apparel 16" from petsfanclub in Santa Clara, California. Despite the nonsensical string of words that serve as a title for this auction and the inexcusably vague picture that accompanies the item, the Honey Bee dog costume is actually a great buy. For just $15 (the "buy-it now" price plus shipping) you can buy yourself some eternal joy, and create your very own bee-dog. What a steal! If you don't have a dog in your life, then you can at least understand the appeal of the bee-dog by visiting this website. Tee hee!!
P.S. Because this whole e-bay and online-shopping feature is technically different from my old schtick, I welcome suggestions for a new name for this feature. So if you've got an idea, for once, I'm interested in hearing it.
I'm so glad beedogs finally got some recognition on the tub. hooray for beedogs! As for people- every halloween I see lots of girls dressed up as 'bees' (see: too-tight stripey tube dress + antennae) and have always thought it a bit odd. While babies definitely look more appealing dressed as bees, what sex appeal is the bee adding to the average skank? I'm actually curious about this, so please respond. it's not like horizontal stripes are slimming and you don't see much of other bugs (other than the occasional lady bug- which is cute because lady bugs are cute). I get the nurse thing and other common costumes that fit into generic role-play fantasies, but what's w/ the bees? Thanks mayor for all the bee links and again: go beedogs!
Posted by: sally jesse | May 31, 2007 at 10:32 AM
"I think we were all traumatized by the unfortunate demise of Macauley Culkin in My Girl" is a really good line.
Posted by: Tori | May 31, 2007 at 11:26 AM
Bears burn one million calories over the course of their 5 to 6 month hibernation. I don't think you should imply that they are lazy.
Posted by: David Attenborough | May 31, 2007 at 12:12 PM
Can I buy that baby
Posted by: Lauren | May 31, 2007 at 01:29 PM
I think, Sally Jesse, that in general all skanky halloween costumes stem from a stereotypical female characteristic -- nurses = caregivers; maids = homemakers; cats = sex fiend; schoolgirls = naivete & vulnerability. As an extension of this theory, I think that bee costumes come about because they also imply a child-like vulnerability on the part of the person who wears it, which I guess is attractive if you're into that sort of thing. I agree with you wholeheartedly -- most of the bee costumes I've seen are AWFUL. But then again, most of the skanky costumes I've seen are awful. There's a general disconnect in female minds every October 31st that causes them to think that wearing less clothing is going to make them more attractive, even when this is so obviously not true. Most skanky costumes make the wearer look like a sausage that's been stuffed into a playboy bunny/cat/etc. casing.
Posted by: The Mayor | May 31, 2007 at 04:50 PM
And as for bears, I guess they'll just have to be added to the list of groups I've made inaccurate and inflammatory statements against. Here's hoping they never learn to read, because then I'd probably be in trouble.
Posted by: The Mayor | May 31, 2007 at 04:54 PM
i'm going to dress as a skanky bear for halloween next year.
actually no, i'm calling dressing as amy winehouse now before everyone steals my idea. (unless we're at different parties, then go for it)
p.s. if you talk to me the last week of october please remind me that i chose a costume in may. thanksss
Posted by: EmGusk | May 31, 2007 at 07:23 PM