The Bathtub: Emily's Trivia Quiz: The Tax Man's Taken All My Dough, And Left Me in My Stately Home

The oft perused magazine, US Weekly, gives us a glimpse every week into stars’ lives with their feature "Stars, They’re Just Like Us!" even though this little photo spread does nothing but confirm my belief that stars are absolutely nothing like me or my friends. (Other than the fabulous clothing, beautiful people, and lavish parties. We do that well.) Meanwhile, stars seem to get away with anything. Cheat on your wife? Eh, it’s ok, you are surrounded by beautiful women all the time. It’s bound to happen. Plus it gives us something to read about in US Weekly. (Which, I swear, I thought was U.S. Weekly until like this year when my parents corrected me. I am such a newspaper nerd.) Insider trading? Don’t worry about it! We’ll let you win the decorating contest when you’re in jail and even give you a brand new show when you get out of the slammer. Illegally adopt a couple of kids? They’ll have a better life in your mega-mansion than in [fill-in-third-world-country-here] anyway. It’s all good. And then there’s tax evasion. These people make more money than A-Rod and Kobe, and they decide not to pay taxes?? Come on!! Below you’ll find photos of some of the most famous tax evaders. Match them with their tax crime for a good time. (P.S. They're all written Jeopardy style, so I expect you to respond in question format.)

1. This crooner paid $2.5 million in back taxes, interest and penalties because he didn’t file a tax return once between 2000 and 2004. He wasn’t prosecuted though, because he thought his accountant had filed them.

2. Failed to file tax returns from 1999-2004. Pleaded not guilty December 8, 2006 and was released on $1 million bond. Could face up to 16 years in prison if convicted.

3. This Academy Award winning actress served an 18-day sentence for tax evasion in an Italian prison.

4. After winning $1 million on a reality TV show, this guy failed to pay his taxes and was convicted and sentenced to 51 months in the slammer as well as three years of supervised release after he gets out.

5. This opera singer was under investigation twice, once in 1999 and again in 2001. In 1999, he had to pay almost $11 million to the Italian government but was acquitted in 2001.

6. This former VP pleaded no contest to tax evasion and money laundering charges, resigned from the vice presidency, received three years’ probation, and paid $10,000.

7. After claiming over $2 million worth of phony “business expenses,” this lady was found guilty of tax fraud and spent four years in jail. At her trail she was quoted saying “We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.”

8. This country music star was slapped with $16.7 million in back taxes and his assets were confiscated by the IRS. Luckily, his fans bought most of his stuff at auction and gave it back to him. Later he starred in an ad for H&R Block. At least it wasn’t a rapping contest.

9. This gangster quipped that “the government can’t collect legal taxes on illegal money” and was sentenced to 11 years in jail and an $80,000 fine.

10. This madam did not report her ill-gotten dinero to the IRS and was sentenced to jail for three years after her conviction of tax evasion, money laundering, and pandering. She then wrote a memoir called Pandering.

11. This ball player failed to report hundreds of thousands of dollars he made by selling his autograph. After pleading guilty, he paid $350,000 in back taxes. That’s a lot of signatures.

Answer Key:

1. Marc Anthony
2. Wesley Snipes
3. Sophia Loren
4. Richard Hatch
5. Luciano Pavarotti
6. Spiro Agnew
7. Leona Helmsley
8. Willie Nelson
9. Al Capone
10. Heidi Fleiss
11. Daryl Strawberry

Tito J. Willoughby has been in trouble with the law many times, but pays his taxes completely and on time every year.

Also, here's my extra 'lil tidbit: Joseph Nunan, this IRS COMMISSIONER was busted for evading taxes after winning a $1,800 bet that Harry Truman would win the presidential election. He didn't report his winnings to the IRS (aka himself) and was busted. There are no pics of him on the internet though.

This week's song lyric title (did you notice every week is a song lyric?) is "Sunny Afternoon" by the Kinks

Finally, a special shout out to my Dad's accountant who hooked me up doing my taxes this year because A) I am lazy and B) I am SOOOO confused by tax forms. It might have cost me a bit, but it was totally worth not selling out to H&R Block or those lame-wads at Turbo Tax.