Too Much Information: When I Grow Up I Want to Fill Out Lots and Lots of Forms

Ever wanted to know what it was like to be an astronaut?  Here, try filling out this travel voucher (PDF).

Now, my first idea for this week's column was, of course, to write about how to do your taxes.  But then I realized that, based on my expertise, this would be the entirety of my post--

How to Do Your Taxes

1. Have your dad do your taxes

--Which isn't really long enough.  So I decided to investigate a topic that is closely related to taxes: the process of filling out government forms.

Taxes are intimately linked to forms (1040, W-2, W-4, 4868, am I ringing any bells?) which is appropriate, because any government worth its salt runs not on freedom and democracy but on paperwork.  Freedom and democracy might sell T-shirts and bumper stickers, but paperwork does everything else around here.

What I'm trying to say is, behind every great American ideal there is a shitload of paperwork to be done.

Take space travel, for example.  Space travel is one of the most intrinsically fascinating things human beings have achieved so far, and it has been perceived as a symbol of everything from patriotism and courage to intrigue and possibility.  Astronauts, as a result, are regarded as some of the most impressive people in our country--great, intelligent leaders who exemplify the American dream (usually).

But they're also government employees, and as a recent episode of This American Life reveals, this means their day job is mainly to fill out forms.  From the TAL website:

"On average, NASA schedules just a couple of space missions a year. But it employs 95 astronauts. This means that only a tiny percentage of an astronaut's career is actually spent in space, and some never get there. Ira talks with these three astronauts about how they spend the vast majority of their time: on the ground, in an office, doing paperwork."

Even when they do get to go to space, as the show explains, paperwork is a huge part of the game.  They apply for travel orders authorizing them to go, as one astronaut explained on the show, "from Houston to the Kennedy Space Center, travelling through Earth orbit."  This is done using the same old form that is used for any business trip by anyone in the government.  Upon returning, the astronauts can submit a travel voucher that entitles them to $3.50 for each day they were gone for unrecorded "incidentals," just like any other government employee.  You know, in case they had to buy windshield wiper fluid from the Exxon just across the street from the Humboldt Crater.

Thanks to forms.gov, you can actually envision yourself in any number of professions.  Here's form CCC-879 (PDF), the official "Application for Approval of Cotton Gin Under Seed Cotton Loan Program," which notes, "This application must be signed by an authorized official of the gin."  And here's the National Marine Fisheries Service's "Precious Coral Sales Report" (PDF again, obvi), a "Monorail Scale Test Report," a "Notice of Transfer or Sale of Migratory Waterfowl," and a "Coal Mine Employment Affidavit."  Go nuts.

There are a few ways to interpret today's post.  You may find it depressing that you can't just enjoy an experience like going to space, selling precious coral, or, um, working in a coal mine--whatever, you get the point--without being bogged down by the administrative side of things.  Or, you may find it heartening that you are not alone in the tedium of your own job.  You may not really be thinking much of anything right now, as the news that even astronauts have pretty boring lives caused you to jump out of your window.  I can't really help you with the first two, but for the last one I can at least offer you an accident report to fill out.

Lauren McMahon (e-mail, website) writes "Too Much Information" on Mondays at noon.  Find out more here.

Comments

[Tori]

You know Lauren, I often used to wonder what astronauts did while not playing in space.

(Your post didn't really unravel this mystery for me, but it did remind me that this is something I often used to wonder about.)

[the mayor]

THIS AMERICAN LIFE IS AMAZING

[EmGusk]

i'm pretty sure we're the youngest group of people that sweat this american life and all things NPR. really, i think they should give us an award or something because we A) will keep npr alive and B) are cool beyond our years (like 50 years early)

[the mayor]

Oh emgusk how I wish that were true because I would love to get an award from NPR. However, I think there is a good number of young listeners for this american life. TAL actually talked about how they were got mentioned on the OC. Now if you were talking about Talk of the Nation -- which I do love and listen to all the time -- then I'd agree with you because everyone who listens to that show is between the ages of 57 and death.