Men in Cages: In Defense of 'The Man Show'

What's so great about springs?
Many things, foremost among them, the fact that had we no springs, we would have no trampolines.

What's so great about trampolines?
Many things, foremost among them, the fact that had we no trampolines, we would have no Girls Jumping on Trampolines.

What's so great about Girls Jumping on Trampolines?
Need you really ask this question?

For those in need of some pop culture Cliffs Notes (i.e. anyone whose parents were too cheap and/or self-righteous to have cable in the home), Girls Jumping on Trampolines was a segment that ended every episode of Comedy Central's "The Man Show" and, true to its title, it exclusively featured footage of girls jumping on trampolines.  It looked a little something like this:

Genius, no?  And Girls Jumping on Trampolines wasn't the only miraculous aspect of "The Man Show."  Hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla would regularly take to the streets and do hilarious things such as petition to end women's suffrage and lobby to have Lady Liberty replaced with a sexier statue.  Plus, until he died (presumably from liver failure), Bill "The Fox" Foster emceed the show.  This guy could chug two mugs of beer in less than two seconds.  He was phenomenal.  (If you follow the link to Foster's wikipedia page, you'll note that he actually died not from liver failure, but prostate cancer.  That's not really funny, so I'm gonna stick with my liver failure joke.  Well, not that death is ever funny . . . My, I'm digging myself into a hole here, aren't I?  Basically, the only point I want to get across in this parenthetical insertion is that I know what the man actually died of, I was just making a funny earlier.  So, Gorg-O, please do not make any comments of the form, "Tori, in actuality, The Fox didn't die from liver failure" because I am well aware of that fact, okay?)

Anyway, moving on.  Tragically enough, "The Man Show" is no longer running.  (This is blatantly the fault of Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope, who took over the job of hosting the show once Kimmel and Carolla thought they had better things to do with their time than light farts on fire.)  But while it was on the air, "The Man Show" engendered a lot of criticism from uppity feminists.  This should surprise absolutely no one.  It certainly didn't surprise the show's creative team.  The women on the show were referred to as "Juggies" for Christ's sake.  The show was designed to engender criticism from uppity feminists. 

In spite of this fact, I think people who have shit to say about "The Man Show" should shut the f up.  Girls Jumping on Trampolines was never meant to please a feminist audience, but I am going to do my best to defend this segment (and "The Man Show" in toto) because I'm Tori, non-mainstream feminist crusader - I may not stand up to pee (you know, because I'm a woman and all), but I do stand up for what is right.

First of all, kudos to men for proclaiming a show to be their own.  Mainstream feminists are always railing on about how we live in a man's world and everything's designed to please men.  But here's the thing: that is absolutely not the case when it comes to television.  Long ago, it was a man's world, for sure.  Men were the ones heading out everyday to bring home the bacon.  (Well, not in Jewish families; those men were heading out everyday to bring home the gefilte fish.)  But where did that leave women?  In the home (preferably in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant).  And where are televisions located?  In the home.  Thus, unlike so many other things, television evolved not to suit the needs of men, but instead to appeal to women.  Every second of daytime tv is directed toward women.  And women now have multiple channels specifically tailored to meet their based-on-a-true-story-lovin' needs.  Lizz Winstead (a female comic who's done writing for "The Man Show") has said, "All of television is 'The Man Show'."  Quite frankly, I think that's a load of crap.  Television isn't at all male-dominated and it's awesome that Kimmel and Carolla saw fit to provide non-sport programming targeted directly at men.

Secondly, if you're going to target male viewers, your show should provide content male viewers are interested in.  "The Man Show" did just that.  Feminists shouldn't be uppity at "The Man Show" for airing "offensive" content; they should be uppity with men for having "offensive" interests.  And really, getting pissed at men for having interests such as watching girls jump on trampolines isn't acceptable either.  Men have every right to enjoy watching Girls Jumping on Trampolines.  Their bodies are designed to enjoy watching Girls Jumping on Trampolines.  Long before trampolines even existed, evolution was favoring men who could one day appreciate Girls Jumping on Trampolines. 

I don't mean to get all "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" up in here, but the fact of the matter is, men and women are different.  A woman will never be able to watch "The Man Show" through a man's eyes and consequently, cannot appreciate the show for what it is.  Even a non-heterosexual woman cannot enjoy Girls Jumping on Trampolines the way a man can.  It's been scientifically shown that men respond to visual stimulation much more profoundly than do women.  Present a woman with images of girls on trampolines and, she's likely to do lots of thinking about those images and come to the conclusion that they are in some way holding women back from equality.  Present a man with images of girls on trampolines and he's not going to do any thinking at all.  He's just going to enjoy the images.  And understanding that fact is crucial to understanding why "The Man Show" is not a bad thing.  The show's aim is not to put women down; it's to make men happy.   

I recall quite vividly being in 7th grade and being told that men think about sex every seven seconds.  My friend Julie was aghast and cried out, "Are you serious?!  Is that true?"  And this guy Jacob very earnestly replied, "Well yeah.  What do girls think about all day?  Cats?"  Actually, Jacob, yes.  Among other things, girls do think about cats.  Thinking about cats makes a lot of girls happy.  (Hence the popularity of websites like cuteoverload.com.)  Women, lest ye be judged for your interest in cats, recognize that men spend a lot of time thinking about sex and women and sex with women.  Thinking about these things makes a lot of men happy.  (Hence the popularity of websites like boobieoverload.com.  Okay, I have no idea whether or not that's actually a website.  I may be irresponsible enough to blog at work, but I am not so irresponsible as to search for porn at work.) 

Men are wired to think about sex more frequently than women and this isn't something women should fight.  It renders (heterosexual) men fascinated with women.  It gives women power over men that they often take for granted.  "Man Show" segments such as Girls Jumping on Trampolines aren't instances of men putting women down; they're instances of men celebrating women.  "The Man Show" isn't so much a commentary on men as men as it is a commentary on men as lovers of women.  Are women's programs as focused on men as "The Man Show" is on women?  By no means!  Admittedly, I not a frequent viewer of "The View," but, as far as I know, those ladies can go for episodes on end without discussing men at all.  They talk about books and mammograms and gardening.  This is not because they're making the conscious choice not to objectify men; it's because women don't think about men all the time - instead they contemplate things like books and mammograms and gardening (and, of course, cats).

This brings us to an oft-made point, which is that women could probably make do without men, but men would be lost without women.  Put all the men of the world into cages and women would be just fine.  They'd read and garden and play with their cats.  Put all the women of the world into cages and you'd have a lot of sad men on your hands.  They'd be like, "Aw, come on, please come out of your cage and play with me?  At the very least, can you do some sexy cage dance for me?  I can't go seven seconds without wanting you outta there."

In the end, "The Man Show" was a success not because it objectified women; it was a success because it placed women in a position of honor, because it allowed men to enjoy women in a harmless way that brought them joy.  (Also, because the show involved lots of jokes about flatulence.)  Supporting this theory is the fact that the show became much more blatantly mysogynist when Rogan and Stanhope took the reigns and, shortly thereafter, lost popularity and was cancelled.  Once the show went from celebrating women and gently poking fun at them to actually deprecating women, men were no longer intersted in watching it.  Because "The Man Show" was about making men happy.  And making men happy isn't about putting women down; it's about watching women bounce up and down.  So STFU feminists and let the men be happy; they're not hurtin' anybody. 

In conclusion, "The Man Show" is top-notch. And in honor of its top-notchery, I shall close today's post with a girl jumping on a trampoline.  Enjoy!

Men in Cages" runs Friday afternoons.  You can read more about Tori here.

Comments

[Lauren]

Reproductive concerns aside, I seriously question the fact that women would be happy and fine without men. Let's give guys a little credit here. They do some stuff.

[the mayor]

yeah boys smush spiders! i am at home right now and can fully attest to the fact that tv (particularly daytime tv) is all for women.

[justin]

i don't understand what being barefoot at home has to do with opression. I prefer being barefoot, given the option. Wouldn't it be worse to want women to be at home in the kitchen wearing uncomfortable shoes?

[Tori]

I think that being barefoot is supposed to render you bound to the home? Like, you don't need shoes if you're just standing around your kitchen all day? Only important people who take to the streets need shoes?

Also, other assorted updates on this post:
+I read somewhere that Jimmy Kimmel was asked what girl he would most like to see jumping on a trampoline and he says that he goes for funny over sexy, so he'd like to see Barbara Bush take some bounces. Fabulous.
+So I mentioned a Jacob in this post. Let it be known that in 2nd grade, I kicked Jacob in the nads. And then, on the way home from school, my friend's mom told me that he might never be able to have children because of what I had done. And dude, I was like 7. That really freaked me out.
+Jimmy Kimmel gets to date Sarah Silverman. He's mad lucky.

[Inactive account]

-I think Jacob would be a good fit to join the Tub, if the Tub needs new writers.
-Sarah Silverman is a great comedienne, but I'm not sure I'd want to date her.

[Tori]

When was the last time you spoke to Jacob?

[Inactive account]

Ten years ago.

[alexis,right?]

tori, just agreeing with men all the time isn't all that radical.

are you coming to slope day? do you want to get a date with amy?

[alexis,right?]

and someone else special?

[Tori]

Dear Alexis,
I am indeed coming to Slope Day. Feel free to set up dates with anyone you like (preferably Diana).

[Alex]

I'm sure Anne thinks about cats every seven seconds.

Tori, I'm sitting in the Harvard library starting work for my presentation on experimental prostate cancer treatments. It is worth more than a midterm and is due in four hours. But all I can seem to do is watch that clip of girls on trampolines, thanks to you and your damn blog.