Many of us loved Disney movies as children, but as we move into adulthood, we have trouble finding Disney movies that suit our particular needs. While, as 8 year olds, we were content to catch re-runs of The Lion King Three: Pumbaa's Revenge, we no longer find such dribble compelling. Except for Emily. She has an extensive collection of Disney movie sequels. A quick search on IMDb tells us that Walt Disney Pictures has put 733 movies out into the world. 733! Understandably, you may come across some difficulty deciding which movie to put in your Netflix queue. Never fear, loyal readers! I will help you decide which Disney Movie to rent tonight!
I believe that the trick to deciding which Disney movie to rent tonight lies in deciding your evening's true purpose. What do you want to accomplish? What does your heart tell you to do? Figuring out your goal is the first step to deciding your Disney fate.
For A Hot Date: Aladdin
The date potential here is intense. Not only is it an awesome love story, but the people in this are HOT. I suggest having an Aladdin theme night, where you smoke hookah, rent a helper monkey, and eat a lot of sugar dates, sugar dates and figs, sugar dates and pistachioooooooooohs! Additionally, an Aladdin-themed night would have built-in awesomocity in terms of the outfits you could wear. Boys could wear purple vests worn open and lose, and could paint over or surgically remove their nipples in order to look more like our nipple-less hero. Girls, obviously, would try to dress just like Princess Jasmine, because she had her outfit down to a hotness science:
Girlfriend had it going on. If it worked for her, (she did bag Prince Ali Abwahwah) it'll totally work for you.
For Crying Alone: Monsters, Inc.
It may seem a little random (or horrendously sad) but this movie gets me EVERY TIME. Something about how adorable the blue monster is, or how much I love John Goodman, or what, but that shit sends me into unstoppable crying fits. Perhaps, though, this is due to the fact that I consistently cry at movies, including ones that do NOT merit tears.
A Sampling of Movies That Make Me Cry:
1. Stepmom
2. The Country Bears
3. Armageddon
4. Pay it Forward
If Monsters, Inc, doesn't make you cry, go see Bridge to Terabithia. If you're ashamed to be seen alone at the movies buying tickets for a PG movie, then read the book. If that doesn't make you cry, then you must need to have your human-emotion-simulatirx re-wired, because you're obviously a heartless automaton.
To Watch While Chemically Altered: Tie
Fantasia is the obvious choice here, because there's all sorts of purty pictures and music and stuff that people rant about while making their own clothes out of hemp or something. But there is another choice here that would be equally sweet: The Lion King. Why? Because half-way through the movie, after you wax incoherent about the beauty of the food chain and taking a semester abroad to live in the African Savannah, you will realize: HOLY SHIT!!!!! LIONS CAN'T TALK!!
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Sugar dates! Sugar dates and figs! Sugar dates and pistachhhios!
Posted by: laurenmc18 | March 28, 2007 at 09:09 AM
The Country Bears? Seriouxbeez?
Posted by: Jerome | March 28, 2007 at 09:25 AM
i'm pretty sure the only good sequel is toy story two. and yes, that is because i have watched many of the others and they're awfullll
Posted by: EmGusk | March 28, 2007 at 10:12 AM
The country bears is Christopher Walken's best work in years.
Posted by: the mayor | March 28, 2007 at 11:56 AM
Ummm helllooo....Alice In Wonderland for being chemically altered?
Posted by: Caitlar | March 28, 2007 at 12:45 PM
Another good test for humanity would be to watch the movie Dumbo. It has a one-two punch of starting off with a very upsetting story of mother-child separation, and then ends with a racist-tinged story of animal cruelty.
Posted by: the mayor | March 28, 2007 at 02:52 PM
Disney loves orphans
Posted by: laurenmc18 | March 28, 2007 at 02:55 PM
Um. yeah. Country Bears. The soundtrack is AWESOME!!!
Posted by: KELLYq | March 28, 2007 at 04:25 PM
1.) The sequel to "Toy Story" is indeed quite phenomenal.
2.) I also cried during "Stepmom" - A LOT. I watched it during college and immediately afterwards, sent my mom a fairly enigmatic e-mail that just said, "I love you so, so much and I really want you to know that." If memory serves, this prompted her to fear that I was suicidal . . .
Posted by: Tori | March 28, 2007 at 04:40 PM
hi, my name is tahha... i like alladin
Posted by: tahha | October 19, 2007 at 09:25 AM