Hey there. I'm sorry for my recent absence -- Asia-related personal issues arose (I forgot I had to post). Anyway, I'm back and ready to rail on things I don't agree with or understand. So, Asia. Everything I know about this vast and mysterious land comes from Pride Fighting Championships, Tsing Tao beer, and the movie Lost in Translation. To be fair, I've also eaten General Tso's chicken, but my more culturally sensitive friends tell me this isn't actually Asian. More thinly veiled ignorance after the jump!
I call Asia a vast and mysterious land simply because there is more green on the Risk board than anything else (well, except for water, but if you were going to say that, I hope you die in a fire), and because I understand literally nothing about the continent.
Asia is huge. There is no way around this. It is a continent so big that pandas are able to "survive" in the wild there (I really thought we had eradicated those things -- they're at best a C- by the way.) As a result, the incredible array of climates, terrains, and national politics are said to make the continent too large to stereotype. FALSE. Asia is weird.
Tsing Tao Beer is almost indiscernable from Heineken, Becks, or it's other green-bottled lager brethren. However, you wouldn't know it from the price. Authenticity indeed. While this isn't necessarily weird -- every country has their overpriced import beer -- it still warrants a thumbs down.
Pride Fighting Championships is quite possibly the most entertaining sport I've ever witnessed. Two human beings are put in a ring and are literally allowed to do whatever they can fathom to one another until the other is incapable of responding in kind. While this should be an embarrassment to all of humanity, its can't-look-away value cannot be denied. Thumbs way up.
Lost in Translation was a sad movie. Our protagonist, the married, middle-aged, rich celebrity, was unable to close the deal with the neglected but hot generation-Yer. It turns out that the old-but-doomed marriage didn't fall apart in time to also ruin the youthful-but-doomed marriage. Also, Japanese culture was completely inaccessible.
General Tso's Chicken is delicious. I don't give a shit if it's representative of real Chinese food or not -- there is something about that sticky-sweet and slightly spicy dish that is exactly the same everywhere I order it. God I love consistency.
Asia: C-
Jonathan writes "Critically Reclaimed" on Fridays.
Way to already work a fighting reference into a post
Posted by: Lauren | March 23, 2007 at 05:58 PM
But didn't you love Scarlett Johannsen in that movie? Especially her hair?
Posted by: KELLYq | March 24, 2007 at 10:45 AM