I was excited to lay into the Disney corporation this week. After all, this week's theme provides a unique intersection of two things I like to mock: children and entertainment. However, it turns out that I have a job. Moreover, this job is expecting me to do work (cue the track of Jerome's trademarked "Say What?"). Apparently I have to go to a conference on children's development, which is somewhat similar to a boring Disney world for researchers but more child-focused and with fewer animatronics. So rather than write full paragraphs, the best that I can do with the time that I have is a list. Read and it like it because, really, what else are you doing right now?
Visit a Disney theme park and it could be the last thing you ever do. Or you'll just get groped. Even if you escape mutilation or molestation, you still lose because you went to a Disney theme park.
Disney's cryogenically frozen head -- truth or fiction? Don't believe the Disney propaganda! It's obviously true -- how else could it have its own myspace?
Goofy and Pluto -- both are dogs, but one is a pet and the other is a man. Why? If only Disney fully addressed this mystery the way they address the infamous Donald Duck pants and towel question. I'd put pictures of Disney characters here to illustrate the Donald Duck mystery, but I don't want to get sued. Instead I decided to share this photo with you, eventhough I think it may incite another type of Donald Duck controversy.
And speaking of perversion, Disney is all about inserting sex into cartoons, which creeps me out. But who cares enough to write a 10 page college paper about cartoon erections? Moreover, who cares enough to write it?
Aristocats. Afghanistan. Both are proper nouns that start with A and have 4 syllables. Is this a coincidence or a clue as to why Aristocats was such an awful movie?
I suspect all these facts will come in handy for this week's trivia quiz. And don't worry, I'm a totally credible source of Disney info.
That Disney FAQ made my mouse have a seizure... anyone else?
Posted by: D.C. | March 29, 2007 at 09:38 AM
No I made it through OK
Posted by: Lauren | March 29, 2007 at 09:55 AM
No problem here.
Posted by: Inactive account | March 29, 2007 at 12:00 PM
say WHAT (tm)
Posted by: Jerome | March 29, 2007 at 02:17 PM
But on a serious note, your half-jointed columns are better than my full-jointed columns, or even my double-jointed columns.
Posted by: Jerome | March 29, 2007 at 02:25 PM
when i was a kid i used to wonder about why some things were "TM" and some were "c-in-a-circle." I also thought it was funny that juice boxes said "ready to drink" on them.
I kind of had weird fixations, i guess.
Also I still don't really know what the difference is. But I don't think that "ready to drink" is as intrinsically funny as i used to.
Posted by: justin | March 29, 2007 at 02:30 PM