The Impression That I Get

Hey y'all, I'm KELLYq, The Bathtub's official advice columnist. This week, I learned that an advice column is particularly hard to write when no one is asking you for advice. Then, I realized I knew someone who needed advice: me. I had no idea what to write about, and I didn't want to make a bad first impression on you, my many, loyal, devoted readers.
So, I turned to the Internet for help. First, I googled "bad first impression" and got a big list of articles I didn't want to read. Lame! I figured pictures would be good enough (works for the illiterate!), so I switched to Google Image Search. I picked the best images and made steps for easy, pain-free first impressions based on them.

Step One: Don't fall down.

Luckily for me, you don't see me when I'm typing, so it doesn't matter if I fall out of my chair reaching for that chee-to. However, for your life in the "real world" this may be a problem. You might avoid this by practicing with your shoes before hand, wearing flats, or at the very least not scheduling your meeting in the used banana factory. Or at the Great Ape House.

Step Two: Avoid this stern man.

I'm fairly certain this man isn't reading this article, but if he is, Hi! You did a great job of making me feel like I broke your precious antique, sir!

The website he's linked to suggests that you may recover from a bad impression by "Apologizing Immediately, but not Over-Apologizing," and "Monitoring my Future Behavior." It also suggests that you're looking for advice because you sent a racy email to the wrong person, asked a non-pregnant person when her baby is due, or drinking too much at the company party. If you've sent a racy email, don't sweat it. It worked out okay for Michael Scott. For the other two: pretend it never happened, get a new job. The stern man cannot be budged.

Step Three: When all else fails, hide under a lampshade. 

For your next awkward moment, instead of cobbling together advice from the Google Image Search (Safesearch off!), you can follow this easy two-step process:

Step One: Email kellyqanda@gmail.com.

Step Two: Read my post Wednesday morning!

"KELLYq & a" runs on Wednesday mornings. For more information, click here.

Comments

[Caitlar]

Kelly, isn't your stern man that actor that plays the doctor in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind?

[Caitlar]

Tom Wilkinson, that's his name. Is that him?

[Jerome]

Why would a factory make used bananas?

[Lauren]

For use in stock photos and silent movies, duhhhhhh Jerome

[D.C.]

That's not Tom Wilkinson.

[Caitlar]

Well I still think he looks like Tom Wilkinson. How do you know it's not? Doesn't law school teach you to support your arguments with evidence?

[KELLYq]

You're not Tom Wilkinson

[Tom Wilkinson]

Shut up losers.

[Tito J. Willoughby]

I did some googlin on the internet and found that typin bathtub blog doesn't even get you close to here. instead, you get these:

1) Bathtub Junkie
http://bathtubjunkie.net/
a blog by a "hoosier girl" living up the hudson river.

2) Millard Filmore's Bathtub
http://timpanogos.wordpress.com/
a *history* blog about millard filmore and other lame figures

and

3) Fat Man in a bathtub
http://themisanthrope.typepad.com/
a blog written by an overweight englishman. mostly about soccer, i gather.

all i'm saying is that thebathtub.net should declare war on these other bathtub related blogs so that if someone types 'the bathtub blog' into google we come up.

[Tori]

Damn, that chick with the lampshade on her head is HOTT.

[Tori]

So I performed a search similar to Mr. Willloughby's and found myself quite frustrated that our site is such a . . . diamond in the rough.

Once I found this site (http://www.gnr8.biz/product_info.php?products_id=130), however, I discontinued being frustrated and commenced being elated and sorta giddy.

[Inactive account]

No need to worry; once The Bathtub has its horrible font and anti-athletic trainer theme weeks, the visitors will come rolling in.

[Tori]

Oh and KELLYq, I meant to compliment you on your ska-o-riffic title. Did you see the Bosstones at the HFStival in 9th grade? 'Cus that was a totally sweet part of my high school experience.

[the mayor]

I was at that HFStival. It's what turned me off of 99.1 for good. (Though the bosstones were pretty good)

[Tori]

Also (and I cannot BELIEVE it's been over 24 hours since your post went up and I haven't mentioned this yet), I marched "The Impression That I Get" my sophomore year of college as part of our ska show. This show also included "Come on Eileen" and "She Has a Girlfriend Now," which featured some of the most creative drill I encountered during my time in band. (I believe we started that song making the man sign and the woman sign and then a few people marched a short distance so as to change the man sign into a woman sign.)

[chaudhary]

Very nice post of the day. I hope every one should get the maximum benefit from this. Am I right?

[Bath Tub]

Particularly for the very young and the elderly, Massaging jets are also a welcome addition for those with muscle strain issues or health problems.

[Marikxon Manurung]

Hi Kelly, I think you have good post here. Yesterday I just posting, posting, and posting to my blog.... sometimes I don't. I forget about my real world... just putting my head to the internet... Well, I'm not sure to what I'm saying... I forgot my real world..remember?
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