Ice Breaker You Got the Best of Me

As a recovering camp counselor (I’ve been clean for about three summers now, with only one relapse), I have been required to break a lot of ice.  For those of you that hate, hate, hate ice breakers, it just means you’ve never broken the ice with yours truly.  I actually have a list of like 30 ice breakers compiled somewhere in my closet.  The following is a tried-and-true breaker of frozen water to help you get to know all of us here at The Bathtub.  Anecdotally, this does not work very well with self-conscious 13-year-old girls.  They always pick boring stuff like “uhh I have a brother, my Mom is 35, and I have a dog.”  Yeah that’s not interesting Katie.  Do something with your life.

Ok, here goes nothing, after each correspondent’s name (are we correspondents?  I cover the breaking-news-world of trivia; sweet!) there are three factoids.  Two of these factoids are true, one is false.  Choose the false factoid and win a prize!  The prize of knowing useless knowledge about The Bathtub kids! (The answers follow on the page below the factoids.)

The Mayor
1. A homeless man once predicted The Mayor would lead a lonely and virgin life due to the flatness of her posterior.
2. She participated in (and won) an Asian beauty pageant.
3. She was a chronic bed-wetter in elementary school.  As an adult, she still wets the bed from time to time—just for old time’s sake.

Lauren
1. Lauren has been on more than one televised spelling bee
2. She loves balloons
3. She cannot stand being barefoot

KELLYq
1. KELLYq enjoys roller coasters
2. She knows how to dive
3. She wears a retainer

Tori
1. Obsessed with the idea of getting a tattoo, but terrified by the notion of actually committing to such a thing, Tori drew a picture on her hand and retraced that picture every day for five months. 
2. Over 30 square feet of space in her bedroom are devoted to a "Dawson's Creek" tribute collage.
3. She has both choreographed and participated in synchronized swimming performances

Caitlar The Queen
1. Caitlar loves frozen margaritas.
2. She loves margaritas on the rocks.
3. She loves cilantro.

Jerome
1. Jerome once followed Bob Dole around the LA airport for several hours on his way back from a church trip to Mexico.
2. He carries around a CVS discount card, which entitles him to special discounts when he shops at CVS.
3. He is no fun because he hates roller coasters, scary movies, and loud music.

Justin Douglas
1. Justin Douglas is afraid of zombie apocalypse
2. He is afraid of mashed potatoes
3. He is afraid of sharks

D.C.
1. D.C. was voted best smile as a senior superlative
2. He sang the national anthem at an NHL game
3. He has webbed toes

Tito J. Willoughby
1. Tito J. Willoughby seriously considered going to rabbinical school before opting to sail around the world arranging cock fights.
2. He does not want to arrange a fight between Rory Porkham and El Pollonator, champion rooster from the San Salvador cock fighting circuit.
3. He enjoys watching reruns of "Will & Grace."

Rory Porkham
1. Rory Porkham spent a year as a Mormon missionary in Utah.  It wasn’t a difficult job.
2. He once was spotted serving food at a homeless shelter.
3. He wrote a children’s book called Thermonuclear Dynamics.

Emily
1. Emily partied with Natalie Portman.  Twice.  When she was like 8.
2. There was an article written in the Washington Post about her buying Britney Spears tickets.
3. She won several competitive eating competitions.

Answers! (The following are false)

The Mayor
3. She was a chronic bed-wetter in elementary school.  As an adult, she still wets the bed from time to time—just for old time’s sake.
(This is only partially true…)

Lauren
2. She loves balloons
(She “haaaaates” balloons because she is afraid they will pop.)

KELLYq
2. She knows how to dive
(She can't and doesn't want to learn)

Tori
1. Obsessed with the idea of getting a tattoo, but terrified by the notion of actually committing to such a thing, Tori drew a picture on her hand and retraced that picture every day for five months. 
(In actuality, she drew this picture on her hand and retraced it every day for FIVE YEARS.)

Caitlar the Queen
2. Loves cilantro.
(She ABHORS cilantro)

Jerome
2. He carries around a CVS discount card, which entitles him to special discounts when he shops at CVS.
(Rory Porkham is actually the proud owner of a CVS discount card, not Jerome)

Justin Douglas
1. Justin Douglas is afraid of zombie apocalypse
(He is afraid of mashed potatoes)

D.C.
1. D.C. was voted best smile as a senior superlative.
(he was actually voted class clown and most likely to spend the night in jail)

Tito J. Willoughby
2. He does not want to arrange a fight between Rory Porkham and El Pollonator, champion rooster from the San Salvador cock fighting circuit.
(He does want to arrange a fight between Rory Porkham and El Pollonator, champion rooster from the San Salvador cock fighting circuit)

Rory Porkham
2. He once was spotted serving food at a homeless shelter.
(He was once spotted dining at a homeless shelter)

Emily
3. She won several competitive eating competitions.
(She’s lost several competitive eating competitions)

Comments

[Lauren]

Jerome, how do you not have a CVS card?

[the mayor]

the real trick here is guessing which part of that lie about my bed-wetting is true...
also, justin douglas -- do you welcome zombie apocalypse, or are you simply unafraid of it?

[justin]

i've watched enough zombie movies and played enough resident evil to know that a zombie apocalypse would be SO SWEET.

mashed potatoes sometimes have cream in them and that makes my butt asplode

[Phylan]

Now that I think about it I can totally picture Lauren cringing and wincing away from a balloon.

[Jill]

Oh how I wish Tori's second answer was the falsey. No person should dedicate 30 square feet of wall to, well, anything, especially Dawson's Creek. Actually, now that I think about it, if I weren't married, I'd dedicate an entire wall to Sarah Silverman. I'm looking forward to getting to know the rest of The Bathtub crew. I'm just now so confused about who wets the bed and eats at homeless shelters. Ah well, ice breakers rule. Rub-a-dub-dubby keep the posts a comin'. I like teamwork.

[Tori]

Yes, Jill, that'd be a great thing for Brian to come home to. "Honey, I redecorated our room with humorous referenes to slavery and the Holocaust!"

But really, is the fact that I devote 30 square feet of my room to Dawson Leary and pals actually more horrifying than the fact that I devoted 30 square centimeters OF MY BODY to a line-drawing of a man holding a top hat?

[Inactive account]

You had a line-drawing of Mr. Peanut?

[EmGusk]

Tori, I really want to see a pic of that tat. I know you have a lot of practice, so I'm sure you can hook me up with a rendering.