Duck and Cover

Pursuant to the discovery by certain founding members that "YouTube" and "Bathtub" can be combined for breathtaking pun potential, my name is Phylan and I will highlight the best and/or worst of YouTube each week - your employer's bandwidth be damned.

There are certain things you should be prepared for should you ever find yourself typing "apocalypse" into YouTube's search bar. The first is that some methhead bastard took scenes from the classic Winnie the Pooh animated movie and overdubbed audio from Apocalypse Now. Ten seconds of seeing Winnie the Pooh caress his honey-bloated abdomen in front of a mirror while hearing Martin Sheen muse about war-torn Saigon is sufficient to retroactively ruin your entire childhood. Steer clear.

The second is that a thousand miserable virgins have posted their favorite clips from Resident Evil: Apocalypse (Exhibit A in "Sequels to movies for which the original should never have been made"), presumably mostly for masturbatory purposes. Finally, avoid the multitude of aspiring directors who have posted their self-made music videos for the song "Apocalypse Please" by Muse, woefully cobbled together with Windows Movie Maker and mostly comprised of pseudo-artistic still shots and M.C. Escher sketches.

Fortunately, I can spare you all of this internet backwash and bile and shortcut you to the only result worth watching - "Duck and Cover," a 1951 educational video brought to you by the now-deceased paranoid louts of the Federal Civil Defense Administration. This nine minute instant classic is wrought with important lessons that endure even to our post-modern era, in which we've completely eradicated any and all forms of mass social paranoia. For one, curling yourself into the fetal position against any embankment is surefire protection from the blast winds of several hundred kilometers per hour, the ionizing radiation, and resulting firestorms in the wake of a nuclear explosion.

Most importantly however, remember this: no matter how much the mainstream news networks warn you of chemical weapons, biological agents, avian flu, identity theft, and murderous diaper-clad astronauts, the greatest threat to our nation remains monkeys with sticks of dynamite on strings. Zoo enthusiasts be warned.

Phylan's "YouTub" runs on Thursdays at noon.

Comments

[Phylan]

In a marvelous stroke of luck, YouTube is responding very slowly today. So, you know, patience is a virtue and all that noise.

[Lauren]

OK the narrator's main message seems to be:
- We are prepared for fires because we have firemen
- We are prepared for traffic safety because we have crossing guards
- We are prepared for ATOMIC BOMBS because we can get under our desks

AWESOME.

[the mayor]

This past Saturday I saw a series of post WWII British public service films -- they were completely amazing. I wish movies like this were still being made today.

[Buddy Love]

Dude, you missed 'Introduction' week.... I don't know if I can get past that.

Do it. Do it.

[Inactive account]

I agree with the Mayor 100%: http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/